My Memories of Ovik Banerjee

#DailyWings: "I live in the present, due to the constraints of the space-time continuum." -Hank Green

I may have mentioned on my blog once or twice before that I am a part of a four-year leadership program at UNC-Chapel Hill called North Carolina Fellows. There are no words for what this program means to me. Perhaps it will suffice to say that I would not be the same person if not for NC Fellows, that the people in this community have challenged my perspective on the world and helped me to gain a greater sense of self-awareness, that joining this program was the best decision I've ever made in college. 

A few days ago, we lost someone who is and always will be an integral part of the Fellows community. Ovik Banerjee was a 2012 UNC-CH graduate, a Venture for America Fellow, a North Carolina Fellow, a true friend, a brother, a son and so much more. In NC Fellows, he served as a student director and a teaching assistant for the senior capstone course. He was always everywhere (but mainly the CLD office), and he was just so Fellowsy. Even after Ovik graduated, his presence still lingered in the Carolina Leadership Development (CLD) office and in our seminar room. But Ovik's impact doesn't stop at Fellows - he was a priceless gem of UNC-Chapel Hill. 

I always looked up to Ovik, not just because he was kind and honest and accepting of others, but because he wanted to get as much life as he could out of every experience he had and every person he met. He made it his mission to "get coffee with every single Fellow" before graduation. He stayed in touch with people no matter how far away they were or how long it'd been since they last spoke. The last time we talked on the phone was March; that conversation seems long ago now, but I remember feeling ecstatic that Ovik had even thought to call me, he was so busy. 

"You're doing it wrong," Ovik said to me at UNC-Chapel Hill's Holi Moli in March 2012.
Photo Credit: Hannah "Nemo" Nemer (possibly)

Ever since I learned about Ovik's death, I've found myself searching for the emails, texts and old conversations that we had, wanting to preserve them forever. I keep wracking my brains for every single memory I have of him, never ever wanting to forget what he was like - the sound of his voice, his smile, his walking stance, his big brown eyes. The way he called me "Wendy Lu-Who." I used to hate that nickname back in grade school, but somehow I never minded Ovik calling me that. 

Memory is a powerful, valuable tool. Most of my experiences with Ovik are retained only in my mind, and it's important for me to write them down lest they should become foggy over time. Sadly, memory-keeping can become difficult when you lose touch with what's fact and what was subconsciously made up while remembering too hard. But what matters most to me is that I don't forget the essence of each little scene, the small and real talk exchanged, the sentiments felt. 

I could easily describe Ovik with words like kindhearted and honest and inspirational (in fact, I already have), and they would all be true. But I hesitate to impose my perception of who he was as a person onto everyone else by using too many labels. While he had an impact on each person he knew, everyone who was close to Ovik had a different experience or relationship with him. So instead, I've put my thoughts into words, and those words into written memories that show a glimpse of Ovik's impact on a single person.

Whenever I want, I can just remember back to that time when: 
(for the sake of preserving space, only some of my most salient and favorite memories are listed)

-I met Ovik for the first time on Fellows Final Interviews Day in spring 2011. It was lunch break, and I was sitting with Michael, Gwen, Dominique and maybe Alyxandra (were we in the student union? Probably, but I'm not sure). When Ovik greeted our table with a friendly smile on his face, Michael - who knew him already - introduced him to the rest of us. 

-I went to my first Mipso show and felt so nervous about attending "my first real college concert." Ovik was there, and he assured me that I could stick close to him. He ultimately made it his responsibility to watch over me, to make sure I never felt uncomfortable in such a large, suffocating crowd. When he first saw me that night, he teased, "You don't wear a band's shirt at their concert!" 

-Ovik and I went to Buns for lunch and I got a veggie burger for the second time ever. We talked about life, legacies and aspirations. He asked a lot of questions (no surprise there) and answered a lot of them, too. I always felt comfortable talking to Ovik about anything; consequentially, he knew a lot about my medical history that, back then, few people knew outside of my Fellows class.

-He called me back in March, just to catch up. "So, I hear you're dating my brother's best friend," he said, teasingly, pausing as if to let me know he expected to hear more details. During the time it took for him to walk to a friend's shindig (pool party, maybe?), we chatted about life in Las Vegas and life back at Chapel Thrill. I told him he should return to UNC-CH for Fellows Interviews Day every year. As I recall, he did come last year. I'm so glad he did.

-He asked me to edit and read over one of the articles on his blog, Not Drinking, the Unspoken Taboo?  before it was published. Ovik was not only my friend, but a mentor and one of my biggest cheerleaders. He read my blog. He came to me for editing advice. He put a lot of faith in my writing abilities. I can never thank him enough for believing in me.

-He sat in the back of my very first writing seminar, which I hosted as part of the Fellows mini seminar series. Ovik was the one to tell me, a day or two before the seminar, not to expect too many people. He said I shouldn't be discouraged in case the audience count was low, that the Quality of each person's experience at my seminar was far more valuable than the number of attendees. We actually had about 12 or 13 people show up, and our discussions were great. Best of all, though? A Fellow texted me that next morning, saying she was inspired by my seminar to pour her heart through writing for the first time in a while. You were right, Ovik.

Wendy Lu

My Memories of Ovik Banerjee

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"My Able Life," inspired by Advocates for Carolina, and Laura Rozo Benefit Night

#DailyWings: "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt

A few weeks ago, my ethics professor forwarded to our class an article from The Daily Tar Heel about a new student organization that promotes disabilities awareness, Advocates for Carolina. I was so incredibly happy to hear that a group had been created for students who must find alternative ways to live, and joined without hesitation. 

What I love most about UNC-Chapel Hill is that there's something for everyone -- a major, an organization, an outlet for self-expression. I felt welcome since the first day I arrived at Carolina; never before had I been a part of such an accepting community. In particular, North Carolina Fellows has taught me how to be comfortable with myself. I've learned that sharing my story doesn't push people away; often, doing so brings me closer to them. 

But as one of those students who has lived with the "disability" label for years, I'd always felt there was one other thing missing from my college experience: a space in which to share my story and learn from others in similar situations. Advocates for Carolina has filled this void. We emphasize on accessibility, advocacy and awareness. We seek to remove stigma, educate others about disabilities and provide each other with validation. Although we may live with different circumstances, this community reminds each of us that we aren't alone.  

Throughout March, Advocates for Carolina hosted "This Able Life" photo and narrative exhibit. Fellow Tar Heels shared their personal stories about what 'disability' means to them. At the gallery reception, we had an amazing turnout: students, professors and Chapel Hill locals all came to view our exhibit. 

"This Able Life" photo and narrative exhibit, hosted by Advocates for Carolina, was featured in March at the art gallery within the UNC-CH student union. 

I was lucky enough to have my narrative, along with a photo, accepted for the exhibit and to give the opening speech with Advocates founder Katie Savage at the reception. Although I am more than happy to share my story with others, this was the first time I chose to do so in public. For three whole minutes, everyone's eyes were on me as I talked about the mission of Advocates for Carolina: giving a voice to students with disabilities. 

Below, you'll find the narrative I wrote for the exhibit: 

“'Don't you want to be normal?' Doctors, friends and strangers ask me this casually all the time when they see me, not knowing that this question has puzzled me for years. 

Since birth, I’ve worn a tracheostomy tube – or trach tube – that allows me to breathe properly. Because of vocal cord paralysis, my nose and mouth have never served as proper airways. As lucky as I am to have grown up with a loving family, my childhood was filled with homecare nurses, procedures and muffled murmurs from people who didn’t understand or chose to judge first. 

It’s never easy to endure blunt questions and curious stares, but despite the challenges, I’ve realized that without these experiences I may not have learned how to appreciate all the good things in my life. Going through these experiences, I feel particularly passionate about helping others who must also find alternative ways to live. And, slowly, I began to realize how much it means to me when people show interest in learning about my lifestyle, and ask how I’m different as a result of my “disability.” 

Terms like “disability” and “medical condition” never resonated with me, and why should they? Because I have had to wear a trachoestomy tube for all 20 years of my life, I’ve never known anything different. It’s a part of who I am, but it doesn’t define me. 

Disabilities awareness isn’t about celebrating disabilities, but our differences and individual experiences. It’s about educating each other and realizing what makes each person unique. It’s not the disability – or condition or whatever you call it – that makes us who we are, but how we adapt to any limitations and make the most of life in a way that’s most fulfilling for us.”

Wendy Lu

UNC 2014

If you would like to read more about the exhibit and view other student entries, check out our recent feature on WUNC 91.5 on NPR. While the exhibit is now over, Advocates continues to spread its name and mission; on Wednesday, our organization was selected to be an official UNC Campus Y committee (huzzah!). We can't wait to partner up with other campus groups and bring many more disabilities awareness events to UNC-CH campus in the future. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

I also want to take a moment to share with you an opportunity to help a fellow UNC-CH student and dear friend of mine. 

Photo Credit: Chenxi Yu

Laura Rozo is a Carolina student, a Morehead-Cain scholar, a big sister, a friend, a mentor; she also served as the closing speaker at TEDxUNC 2013. In 2011, Laura was diagnosed with stage IV metastatic rhabdomyosarcoma. Unfortunately, the treatment therapies have not stopped the cancer’s progression in Laura's body. Laura’s physician has advised her to share with her family her wishes regarding her end of life care. She continues to receive hospice care at home, but there are financial implications for her family created by the increasing level of medical care she needs. 

Laura and I first met through NC Fellows, but we didn't really get to know each other until last fall. We were both waiting at UNC Hospitals (she had a doctor's appointment, and I had a meeting), and began to chat after we recognized each other from the leadership program. 
We started talking over our respective hospital experiences. After bonding with Laura for a while, I realized that even though our situations were very different, we understood each other and I hadn't felt this connected with another person in a long time. 

Here's someone else who knows what it's like, I thought. 

Hundreds of other people have gotten to know Laura at UNC-Chapel Hill and through TEDxUNC. At Advocates For Carolina's "This Able Life" gallery reception, we raised donations to go toward Laura Rozo's fund and asked visitors to sign a card for her. Many of them had never met Laura before, but left encouraging words about how her story made an impact on them. Over the months, Laura has taught me that no matter how hard things may seem, we're never alone.

Take a few moments to watch Laura's powerful TEDxUNC 2013 speech, "If Not Now, When?" 

If you find Laura's words and strength to be inspiring, please consider joining my dear friend and many others who have been touched by her friendship and love for the Laura Rozo Benefit Night. The event takes place on Tuesday in Morehead Planetarium at UNC-Chapel Hill, from 5:30 to 7:30 p.m. There will be performances, a raffle contest and food served by restaurants from Franklin Street. 

To learn more about Laura's story and the impact she has made on her friends in the Carolina community, check out Everyday Ambassador's feature: Wisdom and Mangoes with Laura Rozo. As people like Laura continue to fight cancer every day, here's hoping one day we can finally beat cancer for good. 

Wendy Lu

"My Able Life," inspired by Advocates for Carolina, and Laura Rozo Benefit Night

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To Families Affected by the Connecticut Shooting: You're Not Alone

#DailyWings: "I know it feels like you have all these options and when you make a decision, you lose a world of possibilities. But the reality is, until you make a decision, you have nothing at all." 

-Janet Finch 

In light of recent events, I want to express my condolences to the families whose loved ones were killed in the Newtown elementary school shooting in Connecticut. When I first found out about what had happened, the news had spread all over social media. News outlets were reporting updates every couple of hours, and people all over the country were sharing similar reactions of grief, shock, horror. I didn't -- couldn't -- post anything about it because just the thought of the shooting made me feel sick. Robbing children of their futures isn't just monstrous; it's detestable, and can never be justified. 

I didn't have any candles, so this is my way of honoring those who were affected by the Connecticut shooting. 

To families who have lost much during the past couple days, the rest of us cannot even begin to imagine the pain you are going through. As a college student with no children of my own, I probably understand even less than most adults. But human loss is universal, an agonizing emotion we have all faced at some point. The shooting has been addressed by the entire nation -- including President Obama, who made a public statement Friday -- and has even reignited the debate on gun control. The shooting has affected everyone in some way, and please remember: You don't have to go through this alone. We are right here with you, mourning the loss of 26 lives. 

It may be too early to talk about acceptance or moving forward. And in one week, one month or even one year -- even then, perhaps it will still be too early. Let's come together to stitch the black hole created by evil hands, and commemorate the lives of the people you cared about the most. Only together can we even begin to take the first step toward recovery. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Dec. 14 -- Send one text message wishing someone good luck on her last final exam

12:09 p.m. "I hope your exam went well! :) when it's done forget about it! You did your best! Btw did the gift ever get there??"

Dec. 15 -- Apply for two internships with looming deadlines

• Sent a story pitch to a health magazine in Boston
• Applied for a local news internship

Dec. 16 -- Read three chapters of "Mockingjay"

Dec. 17 -- Watch all four "Superman" movies (yes, on the same day)

Dec. 18 -- Put five extra ornaments on our Christmas tree

Dec. 19 -- Write a six-page scene for my NaNoWriMo novel 

Dec. 20 -- Add seven new holiday songs to my Spotify playlist

Dec. 21 -- Visit eight new blogs (provide any recommendations in comments below!)

Dec. 22 -- Meditate for nine minutes. 

Dec. 23 -- Bake ten gingerbread cookies! 

Dec. 24 -- Take an eleven-minute walk outside

Dec. 25 -- Snap twelve photographs capturing the magic of Christmas

Wendy Lu

To Families Affected by the Connecticut Shooting: You're Not Alone

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