What Makes You a Writer

#DailyWings: "“We are very good at preparing to live, but not very good at living. We know how to sacrifice ten years for a diploma, and we are willing to work very hard to get a job, a car, a house, and so on. But we have difficulty remembering that we are alive in the present moment, the only moment there is for us to be alive." 
-Thich Nhat Hanh

It's been a while. With newspaper articles, magazine stories, research papers and midterm exams swinging at me like cherry bombs every few days, I'm beginning to understand how a juggler must feel. These days, I'm averaging four hours of sleep and barely have time to eat or take a mental breather. Occasionally, I'll watch an episode of "My Mad Fat Diary" just to remind myself not to go, well, mad. 

I miss writing. To keep myself content, I have written some poetry. Short pieces, portholes for me to displace my strongest emotions. But I miss prose. I miss long-winded sentences that keep going and going until you aren't quite sure how you got from Point A to Point B but you know you're in a different place than you were before you started and it feels like a good thing. 

It's true that I crank out two to four stories every week for the town newspaper, and it's been an incredible training experience so far. But last night, I cracked open my journal for the first time in a month. One month! I couldn't believe that it had been that long since I actually sat down to write for myself without worrying about making the sentences perfect. I miss making mistakes and letting them be. I miss writing for the love of it. 

The thing is, when people find out I'm a writer, they always ask: "So, what exactly do you write? Why do you do it?" 

I tell them it's impossible for me to go one week without writing -- otherwise, I start to feel miserable and become a cranky person to be around. I tell them that going so long without writing makes me start to fall apart in every possible way. The lack of an expressive outlet, a canvas on which to put my thoughts, raw and dripping with intention and emotion, makes me feel like I'm trapped in a jar. 

Here's the awful part. Last night, I only opened my long-neglected journal because, finally, I could feel myself slipping. My ability to stay on top of things -- studying for school, reporting for stories, remembering to eat -- had reached its threshold and was going downhill. Fast. 

Let me say it again: I only began to write again because every other part of my life was beginning to crumble. Because I figured doing some journal work would allow me to focus on my "real" work -- the work that actually counts. Pathetic. 

That was the first time I wrote in a month, and for disgusting reasons. One whole month! I wondered, almost afraid of the answer, How can I call myself a writer when I don't even write consistently? Does this mean I've lied to the people who think I'm incapable of going a week without writing because I so obviously love and need it that much? 

As I pondered over these questions, a part of me felt like a total fraud. One of the most flawed tendencies a writer can have is to only write when it's convenient. When the "itch" is there and time allows. As it goes, I've easily fallen into that trap. 

Yet, something occurred to me. I'd labeled myself as an awful person for going on hiatus and practically abandoning my personal literary ventures. But then what made me return to my journal, and to this blog, again? The thing is, no matter how long it's been or for whatever reasons, I always come back. 

Even though I'm working nearly every day toward my dream journalism career, I've realized it's not enough. there is still this need to take the time to be creative in my own way. I've flirted with different pathways -- clinical psychology, medical school, freelance artistry, even archaeology, for God's sake! I could be doing anything else in the world, but the literary life just keeps popping up. 

I chose UNC-Chapel Hill instead of some hipster arts and communications college in Boston to keep my options open, but I still went into journalism. Even when midterms loom ahead, I get inspired for my next poem and make sure to write down a couple phrases for later. Even when I'm writing a 50k-word novel and it totally sucks, I keep going. Even when I hate myself for ignoring the words in my head that are just begging to be written, I jot them down anyway -- even if it is one month late. Maybe Albus Dumbledore was on to something when he said it's our choices that make us who we are. 

So when people ask what makes me a writer and why, I'll tell them it's not because my life depends on it; to a certain extent that may be true, but I like to think that I'm a writer because I choose to write. Maybe it's better this way. Now that I think about it, telling people I don't live to write, but that I write to live, seems like such an easy way out. The truth is, I chose to come back and start again. And if that wasn't for the love of writing, I don't know what is. 

It could be the black ink that just never rubs off the side of your middle finger. It could be that you stay up past midnight because the words are just flowing and, oh god, you don't know how long this high will last. It could be that your best friends all happen to come from stories -- yours, especially. What makes you a writer? 

Wendy Lu

What Makes You a Writer

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50,000 Is Just a Number: NaNoWriMo Wks 3-4

#DailyWings: "The question should be, is it worth trying to do, not can it be done." -Allard Lowenstein

Whew! National Novel Writing Month is finally over, my fingers are about to fall off and I can go back to having a real life again. Wonderful. 

The last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions and dragging plotlines and flying  candy bars. First and foremost, I want to give a very big congratulations to all the NaNoers in Chapel Hill, N.C., and around the country who met their personal goals, whether they were to 5k or 50k or simply write every day. We did it.

For those of you who are curious, I made it to 43,705 words by the stroke of midnight. Unfortunately, I did not reach my goal of 50,000 words, but I was so close! On Nov. 30, the very last day, I wrote more than I ever have before -- about 10k in one day.That is crazy.  (The words weren't exactly fine contributions to the novel, but quantity > quality is the essence of NaNo.) This year's writing challenge taught me so much about myself and my writing. For one whole month, I showed that I love writing enough to put it above all else, even school work and health -- this is no exaggeration, as I was sick during the last week. Still, it was worth every hour spent groveling over word vomit. 

Even though I didn't "officially" win, I still felt like a winner when it was all over because of so many new developments that would've otherwise not been created. If I hadn't decided to partake in the writing challenge this year, my book would still be less than halfway done. The thing is, 50,000 is just some lame number. It's really no different from 49,999. Technically, you could just type "the" 50,000 times and enter "50,000" into the word count validator and say you "won." But that wouldn't feel very fulfilling, would it? Even though NaNoWriMo is all about how many words you write and not how meaningful each word is, it's also about how far you can take your characters. Where the story takes you and get you to where you want to be. I've learned that it's never, never too late to finish what you started.  Just because November is over doesn't mean I'll stop writing my novel. The best thing NaNoWriMo has trained me to do is write on a daily basis. It's more than just a habit, it's a lifestyle. 

One last note: This was the first year I publicized my NaNoWriMo endeavors so extensively on Facebook and Twitter. My goal for doing so was to hold myself accountable, but I discovered something else as well. What kept me going every day wasn't the fear of feeling guilt for not writing, but the desire to strive for what everyone -- my family, my friends and all the people who believe in me -- sees me as: a passionate writer who doesn't give up. Throughout the month, I received so many personal messages from different people who knew I was participating in the challenge. And when I ran into friends on the quad or in the dining hall, they would ask me how NaNoWriMo was going. This meant so much to me. 

Thanks to everyone for all the support and encouragement over the past month. Proud to be a writer. 

NaNoWriMo Word Count 2012: 43,705
Overall Novel Word Count: 101,486 (and still counting...)


Now that NaNoWriMo is over, it's time for finals.

Wendy Lu

P.S. Like reading The Red Angel? "Like" my blog on Facebook to receive updates and more #DailyWings! Hoping to reach 100 fans by Christmas. Help me reach my goal, please?

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50,000 Is Just a Number: NaNoWriMo Wks 3-4

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Never Settle For Mediocrity

I had awesome plans for this weekend -- a new recipe to try out, the N.C. State Fair, a Hinder concert, a picnic with my CUSA friends. In the end, none of these things made my agenda. Instead, I holed up in my apartment and pored over career assessments and personality tests. Lame, right? 

Certainly, other factors prevented me from going to these events (relatives and friends visited for a day), but I could've chosen to do other fun things during my spare time, like go on Franklin Street. I didn't, because I felt like I deserved to stay home until I figured out what the heck I'm going to do with my life. 

The Myer's-Briggs Type Indicator (note: my second time around), Strong Interest Inventory and Focus 2 Career Exploration alone took about an hour to fill out. And then, there I was, having filled out three assessments and then some, still without a single clue. My interests are clear: I love writing, psychology and helping others. I actually know what I want to do, it's just fitting it all in one career that stumps me. 

When the assessments failed to serve as my own personal Magic 8 Ball, I resolved to hash out a "life plan" for the next 30 years: what post-college degrees I would get, the potential publications I'd want to write for, the cities that appealed to my lifestyle. Doing this was supposed to make me feel more grounded, but all it did was make me more frantic. The what-ifs automatically began to form, and the big question mark still hung in the air. I felt like a mess. Surely by junior year of college, people should have an inkling of their future! 

But today on tumblr, I came across a passage that woke me from this naive perspective:

For more great quotes, check out my tumblr and #DailyWings

When I read this excerpt, I instantly felt peace within me. How beautiful words are, and how wonderful it is that the right words always seem to pop up when I need them the most. Perhaps this big old question mark isn't some puzzle to solve on a deadline. Perhaps the question mark is the journey itself, for if we choose to live every day not knowing what's ahead, then things will unfold as they were meant to. 

Had I planned everything out for the next 30 years--down to the very street I'd live on--then there would be no wiggle room for pleasant surprises and unexpected forks down the road. Each day would be geared toward fulfilling those goals, those career aspirations, until they were reached. And what then? My writing wouldn't be about the writing anymore, but rather would become a job that I'd planned for myself. Learning would no longer be about the learning, but a degree etched in gold on a diploma--just another line of text on my resume. Life would be mediocre. And I swore to myself that I'd never settle for mediocrity. 

Moving beyond a mediocre, day-to-day routine, I have devised a short list of to-dos (ironically) in an effort to brood less and live more.

1) Observe others. If people-watching was a career, I'd be all set to go. I learn so much simply by noticing the child walking down the street, tiny hand clutching his mother's pinky, and the man of Chinese-Japanese descent with fingers flying across the piano in Hanes Art Center. And by observing others, I realize I'm not the only one to feel the way I do. These feelings of uncertainty, fear and doubt--they're universal. 

2) Try something different. A few weeks ago, I wrote a historical feature for the first time. I thought it was going to be boring, but through my research, interviews and in-person observations, I discovered a whole new character within a place--something that never occurred to me could exist. Writing about these moments of discovery made me feel excited and alive, and that story assignment has turned out to be one of my favorites. 

Also, a couple days ago, I signed up for the Halloween House of Horrors blogfest. I have written scary stories before, but not "romantic horror." The story idea for this blogfest has yet to be formed, so I guess you'll just have to wait and see what I come up with on Friday, Oct. 19! 

3) Plunge into a challenge. It's no secret that I love NaNoWriMo, but I haven't officially won since 2008 when I was a junior in high school. The point of challenges isn't to win, but to see how far you can push yourself. This November, I'm pushing for 50,000 words. I won't settle for less. 

How do you spice up your life on a daily, weekly, monthly basis? Do you consider yourself a planner, or more on the spontaneous side?



Wendy Lu

Never Settle For Mediocrity

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Junior Year Jitters

#DailyWings: "Live the full life of the mind, exhilarated by new ideas, intoxicated by the romance of the unusual." -Ernet Hemingway

 Better late than never. That's what I have been telling myself lately with everything that I do. Apparently, I just finished my third week of junior year without really knowing it. It feels like a 5k race just started without me or something. But even though junior year has already kicked off and I am officially over halfway through college, I thought I'd take some time today to pat myself on the back for completing sophomore year. For maintaining a solid GPA, making some incredible new friends and building a stronger heart. I realize I am much stronger than I was a year ago. 

At the end of every year since the beginning of college, I have written a letter to my older self. After freshman year was over, I wrote a note to my sophomore self highlighting some guidelines for having a successful semester. Here are a just a few lines I scribbled down as reminders to myself: 

Know your priorities. You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. 

Don't be afraid to speak up. Raise your hand. Just do it. There's no better time than now. 

Say hello. The worst thing that could happen is you would have the exact same number of friends before you said hello. The best thing that could happen? You end up with one more friend than you did before.
 

Smile. No matter what’s going on, there is always a reason to smile. Find it, mull over it, smile about it. If anything—be grateful for what you have. 

Today, I wrote yet another letter to my junior graduate self. Yes, technically I am three weeks late but hey - better late than never, right? In truth, I've procrastinated writing the letter until now because I didn't want to confront all the things that were bugging me about myself. I've been needing a self-confidence booster because, honestly, I still don't know what the heck I want to do with my life. 

Going to one of the best universities in the country can be intimidating. There is so much passion and fervor. Incredible students creating, changing, organizing all the time. It's inspiring. But every once in a while, you can't help but wondering--what am I doing here? 

So the letter I wrote to my junior graduate self said: push yourself. It's never too late to change for the better. Past failures and mistakes don't matter; what counts is what you can do right now at this very moment. I told myself this: 

I can do great things, if only I let myself. I don't need anyone else's approval to do the things that make me happy. 

Maybe not knowing what I want to do after college is okay. Maybe it's better this way. It's certainly better than having my entire life mapped out in front of me, with no surprises or spontaneity. One thing I'm sure of is that the best parts about life usually come in packages that fall at our doorstep when we least expect them. Even though I don't know what I want to do with my life, that means the future is up in the air. Anything can happen. It's scary, but at the same time, there's something exciting about the unknown. I direct myself in the pathway I choose, never knowing what's around the corner. 

What mantras do you have to keep you motivated and focused on your goals? Do you like knowing what's ahead, or do you prefer taking chances as they come your way?

Wendy Lu

Junior Year Jitters

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The F-Word We All Love and Hate

QOTD: What are your long-term goals, and how do you stay focused on them?

No, I'm not talking about that f-word. There's another one I'm talking about, and lately this little f-word has gotten my heart pumping, the thoughts in my mind racing and my palms sweating. (It's still not that one, you guys.)

The f-word I'm talking about is future. 

As we think about the future, it's easy to love when we know what it entails. We may not know where we will be in 10 years (alert: hallmark interview question), but if we're on what  seems to be the right pathway and love what we're doing, then the future seems a bit more promising. But when we have absolutely no idea what our future holds, a fear develops inside of us. It's frightening, not knowing what's going to happen or if things will be okay. And what's scariest of all is thinking that the things you are doing now are a waste of time and won't help you get to the next step toward your goals. 

David Sipress

There is a myth that you get used to college after the first few months... and, surely, by the middle of your sophomore year you're a pro at this whole college scene. You know the sneakiest shortcuts for getting to class quickly, which days of the week Sitar is open at the dining hall and which bathroom stalls to avoid (i.e. bottom of Lenoir...you Tar Heels know what I'm talking about). You know what the dealio is. You get used to the independence, the resources, the expectations. 

But the truth is, you never do. Maybe it's just me, but college life is constantly unpredictable. You never know what's thrown at you, no matter what year you are. I'm a sophomore, but sometimes I still feel like a freshman and don't have any idea what's going on in class, in Congress, in life. Only sometimes, though. 

I was making small talk with one of the girls in my psychology class today, and we both agreed: We all have our freshman days. And that's okay, because the best part about being a freshman is that you get to learn things you never knew, and you grow. 

College isn't like high school. During the first 18 years of most of our lives, the plan was laid out for us. Learn the ABC's. Attend grade school and then get through those crazy middle school years. Live through childhood and stumble into adolescence. Experience high school. Sign up for AP classes because your mom told you to, go to prom, take the SAT and apply for college. Get into college. Graduate. 

And then...and then what? Once you get into college, there's not really a plan you follow along with everyone else. Sure, you've got your advisers and your parents and your friends to refer to for guidance, but essentially you are on your own. What you make of yourself is up to you, and that responsibility is terrifying. There are hundreds of majors, minors and classes--the possibilities are endless. The number of research opportunities and extracurricular activities available is mind-blowing, so much that sometimes we lose sight of our interests and our goals that we just 'grab and take.' In that way, it's easy to lose focus about what really matters to us. 

There's pressure to be well-rounded and unique at the same time. There's the need to find something you personally love to do, but will also fulfill society's definition of 'successful.' Then comes the other f-word that we hate (we don't love it, you know), which is failure. And I'm not going to even talk about this one because it tends to send shivers down one's spine. And causes breakdowns. 

The truth is, this whole week I have felt a little lost. I prioritized which extracurricular activities are most important to me, and figured out what internships I want to focus on for the summer. I discovered that I actually like statistics and research, and I have no freaking clue what to do with this information. Ultimately, I am deciding what I want to do with the rest of my college career and how my decisions will be time-efficient and beneficial for my future. 

Basically, I'm striving for perfection - and I am failing. Since the beginning of August 2010, I have flirted with pre-medical studies, pharmacy school, biology, psychology, journalism, creative writing, journalism and finally both journalism and psychology. (I know, I'm such a player.) But now, the question is: What do I want to do with those majors? What fields do I want to concentrate within the area of journalism (Electronic media or Reporting? Design?), and what will my focus be in psychology (Child Development or Abnormal Psychology? Clinical therapy or research?). I don't even want to start thinking about graduate school (or if I will be going at all). 

I know I will make a lot of mistakes between now and the end of senior year. There will be peer pressure and other students in my fields of study who look like they know exactly what they're doing. But I am beginning to realize that the key to success does not depend on comparison, but personal efficacy. If I believe in my passions and my ability to pursue them, whatever they may be, then I am already halfway there. 

College is a once-in-a-lifetime experience, much like your first love or the publication of your first book. You never really get to experience that mixed rush of euphoria and confusion and excitement and fear all at once after it's over. Whether you're a freshman in college or smack in the middle of law school or a newbie in the corporate world, embrace the line of possibilities...all the better if you can't see the end of that line.

The F-Word We All Love and Hate

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Happy National Day on Writing!

I cannot remember a single moment in my life when I did not love words and writing and literature. And I simply cannot imagine a life in which I did not write...I have tried and I can't. I write because I have no choice. 

Language in the form of writing has always amazed me with its power. There are no limitations as to what I can write and how I can use it. When I journal or string words into poetry or create characters in their own little worlds, I feel limitless. Reading over my works constantly teaches me things about myself and about life that I otherwise would not have known. My lifelong goal is to use the power of words to inspire others with the story of my past, share with them my belief that weaknesses can be turned into strengths and encourage them to accept each other’s differences. 


I write to show people they are not alone, and I write to keep myself sane. Without writing, I would have little purpose in this world. 

This is why I write. Tell us your story. Happy National Day on Writing! 

Happy National Day on Writing!

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30-Day Challenge 24: "Why I Write YA" Blogfest

Question of the Day: Why do YOU write (or read) YA?

Day 24: What are five things you like about yourself?

1) I am extremely compassionate and empathetic towards people who are struggling through difficult situations, especially if they are health-related.

2) I like having a quirky obsession with Smallville, Superman, and comics in general; I actually don't know many girls who enjoy comics and superheroes.

3) My love for writing makes me feel happy and purposeful every single day; why wouldn't I like a trait that makes me happy?

4) I think that my ability to be extremely self-aware prevents me from going insane on a daily basis; I'm glad that I can keep up with my thoughts and feelings, compartmentalize them in my mind, and take control over them before they take over me

5) Family and the people I care about are number one. Because I have met some extremely appalling people in my life who don't really practice the good habit of putting themselves in others' shoes, the kind and genuine individuals whom have I had the good fortune to meet, befriend and now love are very important to me. I do and would do anything for them.

Today, Gabi at Iggi and Gabi is hosting a really neat blogfest as part of the YA Cafe Friday Specials. The reason I decided to participate is because YA literature is increasingly becoming prevalent in today's society and it's not a topic I have touched base with before on my blog. Also, despite the fact that YA is one of my favorite genres to read and write, when I first read the blogfest name my answer was blank, which really puzzled me since I would've thought it'd come to me immediately, being the YA lover I am.

So after pondering all day (hence, the reason why I am late in writing my entry--sorry about that! Better be fashionably late than never show up, eh?), I decided on my answer:

The reason I write Young Adult is because...

1) The age of adolescence/young adulthood is one of the most transforming stages in a lifetime. Think about it, a lot happens--the want and need for independence, struggle to maintain healthy relationships with significant others/friends/family, the search for one's place in a social setting as well as in the world, and the beginning of the search for one's identity. It's a time of trial and error. There are the most physical, mental and emotional changes in this period, which makes it so darn intriguing to write about.

2) Young adulthood is linked with so many experimental firsts, such as first love, first taste of rebellion, first change in physicality, and first brush with the bitter truths about responsibility and mistakes. All young adults go through these, but every young adult experiences these things differently. In observing adolescents that I interact with or pass by down the street, I see the way young adults react and the affects that certain situations have on them--and something about those observations compel me to create characters based on them. If I take these characters and put them in, say, a motorcycle accident (which was brought upon from that first taste of rebellion), how would they react? How would this affect every single aspect of their lives as young adults?

3) Young adulthood is controversial and paradoxical. As a young adult, you get to be risky and wild, but you also understand what it means to be serious and in what circumstances is it essential to behave seriously. You have the ability to appreciate even life's littlest things, but you also capture the big picture as well. You have enough intelligence to understand even the most complicated and abstract concepts, and yet you still have so, so much to learn. You are teeming with emotions and adrenaline (thanks, hormones!) and passion and overwhelming thoughts and experiences from a unique perspective. That makes for a zesty, identifiable character and one hell of a fascinating story.

Thanks Gabi for hosting such a great blogfest! Be sure to check out the rest of the entries here.

30-Day Challenge 24: "Why I Write YA" Blogfest

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