The Senior Year Experience

#DailyWings: "This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

I've started a new blog post several times (each with its own headline and Daily Wings quote), but it wasn't until multiple friends came up to me and said, "You haven't updated your blog in a while," that I realized my hiatus had to end. 

Even though it's already September, my mind is still stuck somewhere in July. This summer was supposed to be a chance for me to mentally catch up with the past three years of college and figure out what the hell I'm going to do with my life. In the end, I only got busier. 

Since the June 30th flood, which many Chapel Hillians are still recovering from to this day (including myself), I have completed summer school, an internship at Personify and a freelancing job with Raleigh Public Record. Thanks to the awful storm, the carpets and drywall in my apartment were all removed; for several weeks, I was forced to live in three different places, including a hotel as well as another house and flat where two of my friends were kind enough to let me stay. It's hard to believe I hopped homes for nearly a month while still managing to drive 45 minutes to and from work every day after class. Despite everything, I've made it to my final fall semester of college. 

Although I'm pretty content with the way things are sailing right now, it wasn't like this at the beginning. Back in August, I was eager not to let the aftermath of the flood prevent me from living the "perfect" senior year and doing everything on the typical UNC college bucket list that I never really did as a first-year, sophomore or junior. Participate in Week of Welcome. Attend Sunset Serenade and Relighting of the Bell Tower. Take Zumba. Go rock climbing in Rams. There was something about checking off these items right here, right now as a senior that seemed sacred to me. They weren't things you could after college. I mean, you could – but it wouldn't be the same. 

Due to apartment issues, I was met with great disappointment and ended up doing none of these things. I was bitter for days. I blamed the world for ruining senior year for me. The bitterness turned into resignation and an all-or-nothing attitude: If I couldn't enjoy Week of Welcome, I might as well abandon my expectations for other special moments that are supposed to make up "the senior year experience" (like Senior Bar Night and taking before graduation/after graduation photos by the Old Well). 

The thing is, after I stopped worrying about missing out on stuff, life got much easier and more enjoyable. I've been able to focus on classes and things that are really important to me, like journalism. One week after school began, I was appointed to co-editor of The Durham Voice, which has been an incredibly rewarding experience for me so far. I'm also a guest columnist for DIY MFA now, and work with a passionate, talented team of writers. I've even started researching and writing my senior honors thesis, which focuses on the gap between people's online social media personas and readers' perceptions of those personas. 

It's taken me three months to realize that I am doing everything I've ever wanted in college. Co-lead a major local publication. Work for one of my long-time favorite writing websites. Write a book. And last night, I emceed for the first time for CUSA's Mid-Autumn Festival. It was terrifying to think that there were more than 200 people watching me sputter out lines on stage – but when the audience burst into laughter, right on cue, I knew I was doing something right. Sounds corny, but it felt like a dream. Best of all is something I did not anticipate: I've found an amazing boyfriend who is as nerdy and awkward as me. He's always there with a joke or John Green reference and a twinkle in his eye. 

Exec board members of CUSA (Chinese Undergraduate Student Association) cheesin' after cube painting for Mid-Autumn Festival
Photo Credit: Amy Yang

All this time, I've been chasing this ridiculous list of must-dos without ever thinking about whether they're things I actually want to do – or if they're things I'm expected to do in college. Just because my bucket list is different from the norm doesn't mean it's insignificant. And some of the best things that have happened to me were totally unexpected.

Even though it seems like seniors are supposed to have everything figured out by now, I guess I'm still learning how to be flexible and open to change. I constantly have to remind myself to work hard but go at my own pace, because the truth is, the future will always be looming like some ominous inevitable. The trick is to not look ahead and remember that there is always room to grow. 

So far, senior year hasn't met every expectation or standard. But it's been packed (to say the least), surprising and, above all, wonderful. 

The obligatory couple photo in front of the Old Well
Photo Credit: A kind stranger

Wendy Lu

The Senior Year Experience

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Meeting Khaled Hosseini: "And The Mountains Echoed" Book Tour (and My 21st Birthday + The Great Flood of 2013!)

#DailyWings: "When I was a child my mother said to me, 'If you become a soldier, you'll be a general. If you become a monk, you'll be the pope.' Instead, I became a painter and wound up as Picasso." 
-Pablo Picasso

A couple weeks ago, I read John Green's "The Fault in Our Stars," one of the best Young Adult novels I've read in a long time. (If you haven't done so already, I highly encourage you to read one or all of John's books and/or check out the awesome vlogbrothers, a YouTube video project he coordinates with his brother Hank.) One of the book's subplots involves the characters traveling to Amsterdam to meet the writer of their favorite book in person. 

After I finished reading the book, I Skyped my boyfriend — who shares my passion for good literature and was the one who introduced me to John's work — and said to him, "Wouldn't it be so cool if we could just meet our favorite authors like Augustus and Hazel do?" 

Two days later, I found out Khaled Hosseini was in Raleigh. Now, those of you who know me very well or have been following The Red Angel for a long time know how much I love Hosseini's novel, "The Kite Runner." It's publicly been one of my favorite novels for a long time (publicly, meaning when people ask, 'What's your favorite novel?' I say, "The Kite Runner.") The book is set in Afghanistan and follows the friendship between a wealthy boy and the son of his father's servant, which is changed forever by a single act of violence. It's a story of redemption and love, of friendship and forgiveness. You can read some of my old reviews of the book here and here. 

Khaled Hosseini, a medical school graduate and the founder of a nonprofit that provides assistance to people living in Afghanistan, also wrote "A Thousand Splendid Suns." Hosseini's stop in Raleigh was part of the book tour for his third and most recent novel, "And The Mountains Echoed." 

When I saw the event announcement on Twitter, my heart jumped into my throat as I thought about how cool it would be to meet Khaled Hosseini in person and listen to him speak. But that jump-in-the-throat reaction was followed by a sigh, and I knew there was no way I could drive to Raleigh myself. 

My luck turned when a good friend of mine, who, consequentially, knew how much I loved "The Kite Runner," called and told me he and his friends were going to see Hosseini in Raleigh — and that I could come with him and his friends if I wanted. (If I wanted!) Before I knew it, I was riding in the backseat of a friend's friend's car and on my way to Quail Ridge Books. I don't remember much about the car ride, except that I had Subway and kept repeating the words, What is my life? over and over in my head. 

I'm holding my copy of "The Kite Runner," which world-renowned author Khaled Hosseini had just signed for me, at the "And The Mountains Echoed" book event in Raleigh, N.C., on June 15.

Before the book signing, NPR's Frank Stasio did an interview with Hosseini, touching on subjects from the writing process to character development in "And The Mountains Echoed" to the culture of and life in Afghanistan. 

During Questions From the Audience Time, I plucked up the courage to stand up and ask Khaled Hosseini: "Since you started writing 'The Kite Runner' up until now, how have you changed as a writer, an educator, a person? And, if at all, how have these books — these characters you've created — changed you?" 

"And The Mountains Echoed" is much more complex than his other two books, Hosseini said. Over time, he's become more drawn toward characters who are conflicted. Instead of revealing themselves completely, the characters are mysterious and self-scrutinizing. 

"What drives me to write is the drama, the human element in these stories," he said. "The motivations for the way they behave."

Before Hosseini thanked Stasio on stage for coming to interview him for the book event, he left me and the audience with this: 

"Stories close the gap and reconcile between what we want life to be and how it actually is," Hosseini said. "That's what stories are for." 

~ ~ ~ ~ 

In other news, I turned 21 years old on June 22. I didn't go out and party all night. I didn't drink 21 shots (as the tradition demands). But I did go shopping at Southpoint, Skype my loved ones and tear open the presents that I had sworn I wouldn't peek at until the big day. 

Here are just a few of my excellent birthday presents (left to right): Gray goose vodka (I'm 21, y'all!), a martini plastic "glass," my first shot glass from Mount Vernon and a feather quill set complete with an ink bottle, fountain pen and nibs (!!!). Just, wow. 

I couldn't have asked for a better birthday, or a better month of June, which is ironic for me to say because of The Great Chapel Hill Flood of 2013. 

Basically, my apartment got completely flooded earlier today and I was forced to evacuate to higher ground. I left the flat with only a few essential belongings, thinking that the rest would be floating in rainwater by the time I came back. But most of my stuff is completely unharmed, and while the carpet is soaked and damaged beyond repair, my home is still here. And I've still got my brain and my lungs and my heart, the three things that gotta' keep me going. 

Even though there are some things that could be much worse than a flood, and also some things that could be more awesome than meeting the author of your favorite book, I can't help but think: So this is what it feels like to be the luckiest person in the world. 

Wendy Lu

Meeting Khaled Hosseini: "And The Mountains Echoed" Book Tour (and My 21st Birthday + The Great Flood of 2013!)

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The Noise In Your Head: A Different Kind of Writer's Block

#DailyWings: "It's all right to do things the way you want. There is no map to life, no blueprints to survival, you can create your world day by day if you have a clear vision and an unwillingness to give up." -John O'Callaghan

The first time I drove a car, I was seven years old. My back was propped up against the seat of an arcade racing game at one of the pizza joints in Boston. My two best friends at the time, twin sisters wearing ponytails and matching choker necklaces, watched and waited eagerly for their turns to play. I clutched the plastic wheel in front of me, eyes fixed on the screen. But the whole time, all I could focus on were my friends' cheers in the background and the shadow of our mothers hovering above my head. 

I ended up maneuvering around like an old grandma – I was either too fast or too slow, and kept bumping into trees and the vehicles in front of me. After a few moments, my friends looked away, bored with my game. The race ended as all the cars braked to a screeching halt, and two pixelated words showed up on the screen: Game over!

It took a few tosses for me to realize no matter how many silver coins I slipped into the slot, I wasn't going to get any better at the game so long as I kept getting distracted. I couldn't help it, though. Embarrassed, I hopped off the seat to let one of the twins try next. My seven-year-old pride dug in: How could something that looked so simple end up in disaster? 

I'd been driving for that checkered flag at the end of the race, but what I had really been going for was that grownup pat on the shoulder, the rumple of my mushroom-cut hair and the half-impressed, half-envious looks on my friends' faces. 

Now, I'm nearly 21 and my driver's license was issued to me just barely a few months ago. Unlike the faded student identification card hiding in the back of my wallet, the newness of my driver's license is evident in the shiny exterior and blue airplane signifying the mark of North Carolina. With this barely-larger-than-my-palm card of plastic, I officially have permission to be on the road – the real one this time. 

This is what I must get through every day on my way to work...

Nowadays, the commute between my apartment and the location of my summer internship lasts about forty-five minutes, so my license comes quite handy these days. Luckily, I don't drive the way I did back when I was seven years old. It was, however, difficult to focus when I first started practicing: I kept getting nervous with my parents sitting in the backseat ("just in case"), and I worried what the other drivers thought about me, this slow beginner. But after a while, I learned to drown out these distracting thoughts and instead pay attention to what was in front of me. I learned how to be a better driver. 

Lately, I've been struggling with my writing for similar reasons. Whenever I try to get the words down, there seems to be so much traffic in my head: I'm not good enough. My writing sucks. This blog post is going nowhere. I'm nothing but a starving artist. Everyone else writes better than me. Look at these cool indie authors and accomplished people – I'm certainly not one of them! 

Unsurprisingly, this self-deprecation leads to writer's block. Literally, there's a block in my mind. Not because I don't have any good ideas, but because reminding myself of all the things I'm not fills my head so there's no room left for actual creative work. Then, something that's supposed to be fun, something that I supposedly love to do, becomes a source of fear and pressure. 

Similarly, those daydreams we all have from time to time, featuring Bestseller Lists and wide-eyed admirers, also poison my writing so it no longer seems genuine. I end up only writing what I think people want from me. Don't let any sort of glimmering prospect of fame and glory keep you from writing quality work – quality, meaning it comes from your heart.

About a month ago, my dad told me something that I still think about every day. He said, "Wendy, just ignore all the noise around you. Don't pay attention to what other people are doing or what paths they're taking – everyone's looking for something different. If writing is what you really love to do, then just do it." 

Whenever my mind starts to fill with self-doubt and other mental distractions, rendering myself incapable of writing any further, those are the words I remember. And it's worked (so far, at least; I wrote a blog post, didn't I?). 

That being said, the real world/real life isn't always quite that easy (if ever). There will always be people watching your moves, either waiting for you to make a mistake or building up expectations or comparing themselves to you. Ignore them. 


Wendy Lu

Do you ever get this kind of writer's block, and if so, how do you banish these distracting thoughts? What are some other obstacles or challenges you face while writing? 

The Noise In Your Head: A Different Kind of Writer's Block

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Observations of an Editorial Intern: Here's to Punchy Ledes (& Other Farewell Stories)

#DailyWings: "We live not only in a world of thoughts, but also in a world of things. Words without experience are meaningless." 

-Vladimir Nabokov

This post is a part of my blog series, "Observations of an Editorial Intern" (as inspired by the CAFME Summer Intern Diaries). This series focuses on my experiences of interning as a journalism student for a news publication. Any viewpoints expressed on my blog are not reflective of the publication I work for. 

This semester, I completed an editorial internship at The WEEKLY, the town newspaper published by Chapel Hill Magazine.

Last Monday, I wrapped up my last few assignments for The WEEKLY and concluded the spring editorial internship. Walking out of that office for my last time this semester was bittersweet, as the end of most valuable experiences — ones that are both challenging and rewarding — tend to be. 

I like to think of the past — in this case, the "past" few months — as one huge timeline. Placing a finger at any point on the timeline, I remember where I was in the internship process at that point and how much there was still ahead of me. 

In January, I didn't know what were the important questions to ask in an interview. I didn't realize repeating my phone number twice in a voice message might increase my chances of getting a call back from the source. I didn't know "like" was better than "such as." 

I wrote my first newspaper article on a local poetry workshop; two weeks later, I covered Ackland Art Museum's "More Love" exhibit (my favorite assignment) and thought, hey, I could get used to this. 

Toward the end of February, the paper switched editors and I was scrambling to keep up with three stories a week (plus schoolwork). Somewhere along the way, I gained basic knowledge of property taxes, gentrification and "brain drain." 

By mid-March, I was learning how to write short, punchy lines for my ledes (still learning this, y'all) and how to deviate from the inverted pyramid without losing the "why" of a story.

I led our new "Student of the Week" feature for most of April, and discovered there's a story in every child that reminds us all to remain curious and passionate about everyday life. I also wrote a personal tribute to my dear friend Laura Rozo, who died about three weeks ago after being diagnosed with cancer in 2011. (You can find my second tribute for Laura in The Daily Tar Heel.)

As an editorial intern for The WEEKLY, I've gained experiences that I wouldn't have gotten anywhere else. That's how it is for any internship you do. Sure, technically you could intern at any publication and then leave with clips, a mastery of AP Style and maybe even a recommendation letter. But where you intern matters; after all, you're there for a whole semester. 

Starting out at any internship can be kind of nerve-wrecking, especially if it's your first one. But after a few months, you get to know the people — not just by their hair color or office location, but by their first and last names, department and Twitter handle. Soon, you become attached to the publication and its unique style. You learn how to use the kitchen microwave properly. You read the publication from cover to cover not because there are articles with your byline (though that's a plus), but because you're genuinely proud of the content that everyone in the office has worked hard to produce together. 

This summer will be different from all my other summers in between college years. I won't be going back to China like usual (which means zero media censorship and more blogging, hooray!). I will be interning at a consulting firm in Cary, N.C., and I couldn't be more excited to begin this new journey. Still, I'm going to miss journalism. I'm going to miss writing furiously against a deadline and I'm going to miss The WEEKLY. Good thing is, I'll be returning in the fall. In the meantime, I'll be picking up a copy of each new issue on Thursdays at Franklin Street. You should, too. 

Wendy Lu

Observations of an Editorial Intern: Here's to Punchy Ledes (& Other Farewell Stories)

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"My Able Life," inspired by Advocates for Carolina, and Laura Rozo Benefit Night

#DailyWings: "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt

A few weeks ago, my ethics professor forwarded to our class an article from The Daily Tar Heel about a new student organization that promotes disabilities awareness, Advocates for Carolina. I was so incredibly happy to hear that a group had been created for students who must find alternative ways to live, and joined without hesitation. 

What I love most about UNC-Chapel Hill is that there's something for everyone -- a major, an organization, an outlet for self-expression. I felt welcome since the first day I arrived at Carolina; never before had I been a part of such an accepting community. In particular, North Carolina Fellows has taught me how to be comfortable with myself. I've learned that sharing my story doesn't push people away; often, doing so brings me closer to them. 

But as one of those students who has lived with the "disability" label for years, I'd always felt there was one other thing missing from my college experience: a space in which to share my story and learn from others in similar situations. Advocates for Carolina has filled this void. We emphasize on accessibility, advocacy and awareness. We seek to remove stigma, educate others about disabilities and provide each other with validation. Although we may live with different circumstances, this community reminds each of us that we aren't alone.  

Throughout March, Advocates for Carolina hosted "This Able Life" photo and narrative exhibit. Fellow Tar Heels shared their personal stories about what 'disability' means to them. At the gallery reception, we had an amazing turnout: students, professors and Chapel Hill locals all came to view our exhibit. 

"This Able Life" photo and narrative exhibit, hosted by Advocates for Carolina, was featured in March at the art gallery within the UNC-CH student union. 

I was lucky enough to have my narrative, along with a photo, accepted for the exhibit and to give the opening speech with Advocates founder Katie Savage at the reception. Although I am more than happy to share my story with others, this was the first time I chose to do so in public. For three whole minutes, everyone's eyes were on me as I talked about the mission of Advocates for Carolina: giving a voice to students with disabilities. 

Below, you'll find the narrative I wrote for the exhibit: 

“'Don't you want to be normal?' Doctors, friends and strangers ask me this casually all the time when they see me, not knowing that this question has puzzled me for years. 

Since birth, I’ve worn a tracheostomy tube – or trach tube – that allows me to breathe properly. Because of vocal cord paralysis, my nose and mouth have never served as proper airways. As lucky as I am to have grown up with a loving family, my childhood was filled with homecare nurses, procedures and muffled murmurs from people who didn’t understand or chose to judge first. 

It’s never easy to endure blunt questions and curious stares, but despite the challenges, I’ve realized that without these experiences I may not have learned how to appreciate all the good things in my life. Going through these experiences, I feel particularly passionate about helping others who must also find alternative ways to live. And, slowly, I began to realize how much it means to me when people show interest in learning about my lifestyle, and ask how I’m different as a result of my “disability.” 

Terms like “disability” and “medical condition” never resonated with me, and why should they? Because I have had to wear a trachoestomy tube for all 20 years of my life, I’ve never known anything different. It’s a part of who I am, but it doesn’t define me. 

Disabilities awareness isn’t about celebrating disabilities, but our differences and individual experiences. It’s about educating each other and realizing what makes each person unique. It’s not the disability – or condition or whatever you call it – that makes us who we are, but how we adapt to any limitations and make the most of life in a way that’s most fulfilling for us.”

Wendy Lu

UNC 2014

If you would like to read more about the exhibit and view other student entries, check out our recent feature on WUNC 91.5 on NPR. While the exhibit is now over, Advocates continues to spread its name and mission; on Wednesday, our organization was selected to be an official UNC Campus Y committee (huzzah!). We can't wait to partner up with other campus groups and bring many more disabilities awareness events to UNC-CH campus in the future. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

I also want to take a moment to share with you an opportunity to help a fellow UNC-CH student and dear friend of mine. 

Photo Credit: Chenxi Yu

Laura Rozo is a Carolina student, a Morehead-Cain scholar, a big sister, a friend, a mentor; she also served as the closing speaker at TEDxUNC 2013. In 2011, Laura was diagnosed with stage IV metastatic rhabdomyosarcoma. Unfortunately, the treatment therapies have not stopped the cancer’s progression in Laura's body. Laura’s physician has advised her to share with her family her wishes regarding her end of life care. She continues to receive hospice care at home, but there are financial implications for her family created by the increasing level of medical care she needs. 

Laura and I first met through NC Fellows, but we didn't really get to know each other until last fall. We were both waiting at UNC Hospitals (she had a doctor's appointment, and I had a meeting), and began to chat after we recognized each other from the leadership program. 
We started talking over our respective hospital experiences. After bonding with Laura for a while, I realized that even though our situations were very different, we understood each other and I hadn't felt this connected with another person in a long time. 

Here's someone else who knows what it's like, I thought. 

Hundreds of other people have gotten to know Laura at UNC-Chapel Hill and through TEDxUNC. At Advocates For Carolina's "This Able Life" gallery reception, we raised donations to go toward Laura Rozo's fund and asked visitors to sign a card for her. Many of them had never met Laura before, but left encouraging words about how her story made an impact on them. Over the months, Laura has taught me that no matter how hard things may seem, we're never alone.

Take a few moments to watch Laura's powerful TEDxUNC 2013 speech, "If Not Now, When?" 

If you find Laura's words and strength to be inspiring, please consider joining my dear friend and many others who have been touched by her friendship and love for the Laura Rozo Benefit Night. The event takes place on Tuesday in Morehead Planetarium at UNC-Chapel Hill, from 5:30 to 7:30 p.m. There will be performances, a raffle contest and food served by restaurants from Franklin Street. 

To learn more about Laura's story and the impact she has made on her friends in the Carolina community, check out Everyday Ambassador's feature: Wisdom and Mangoes with Laura Rozo. As people like Laura continue to fight cancer every day, here's hoping one day we can finally beat cancer for good. 

Wendy Lu

"My Able Life," inspired by Advocates for Carolina, and Laura Rozo Benefit Night

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