A Glimpse of Post-Graduate Life

#DailyWings: "I live for coincidences. They briefly give to me the illusion or the hope that there's a pattern to my life, and if there's a pattern, then maybe I'm moving toward some kind of destiny where it's all explained." -Jonathan Ames

It has been a long time since I've sat and written and reflected about my life. The last time I blogged here was in January. January! Even though in some ways it feels like 2014 just began, that month seems so far away. I'm a somewhat different person from who I was at the beginning of the school year - of course, writing is still my one true love and everything that makes me who I am still do, but the way I approach certain situations, my attitude toward various circumstances and my overall outlook on life are no longer the same. 

During the last few weeks leading up to graduation weekend, my friends kept asking one another, "So, let's talk about how I'm not feeling anything about leaving UNC. Is it just me? Has it hit any of you yet?" They shook their heads and said, "I feel nothing." 

It wasn't until the end of April that the tears started to come. NC Fellows, that phenomenal and indescribable leadership program I've talked about in previous posts, hosted a final banquet for all the senior Fellows - my class. Each senior was expected to give a farewell speech, a word of motivation and advice for the younger Fellows and a blurb about what Fellows meant to him or her. 

Only half of the nerds - I mean Fellows - in my class are present here. The other half of them are...pursuing Quality, I hope. (Original photo by Ananda Day)

Being the wordy, rambling writer that I am, I wrote out a love-letter-slash-poem about my Fellows experience. My speech was far (FAR, far far) from being even remotely close to, say, a J.K. Rowling masterpiece, but somehow it hit all the right (or wrong) heartstrings. One of my close friends came to me afterward and said I'd ruined her streak of "feeling nothing" all semester, that the reality of things was finally dawning on her. Another friend told me he'd avoided my eyes the whole time I was reading my speech because he thought he would break down the moment he looked at me. 

I won't share the whole thing with you because it's two pages long, but here is a passage from my speech that can not only be said about Fellows, but college in general: 

"There are no words for the barriers that will threaten your comfort zone, the safe bubbles that will eventually begin to break, and the incremental moments when you're sitting in the dark and you confront the same question over and over: Who am I?" 

They say college is about finding yourself - creating your identity. I still remember how panicked, lost and utterly confused I felt back in January. I didn't know if the internship I have now at china.org.cn was going to work out. My plans for graduate school were undefined - nonexistent, even. And the little regrets of not doing this or not doing that during my earlier years in college began to pile up in the back of my mind like crumpled to-do lists.

But then it stopped. The fear and anxiety just went away (at least for the time being, and it wasn't always like that). It wasn't because I had everything figured out (lolz). I just stopped caring so much about the future and started focusing on the present situation, because I realized that in a few months, my friends and I would no longer be at UNC. 

I started spending as much time as I could with these people who had helped define my college experience. I tried to look forward to the summer without freaking out over the details too much, even though the prospect of living in Beijing secretly terrified me. Other aspects of my personality changed, too. I stopped doing things for the purpose of conforming to societal expectations or because certain activities were seemingly necessary for a meaningful college experience (like climbing the UNC bell tower). I did things for my own happiness and personal satisfaction. I went out for drinks only if I wanted to. I studied really hard for exams and finally reached my ultimate GPA goal - not for my parents' sake, but for my own. 

As a writer, I've also changed. In the past, I would shield my opinions from others in the name of objective journalism. But now, I am less afraid of offending whichever party is against my stance and more terrified of not being a part of movements I care about. I've spoken up about issues of skinny-shaming and using gender neutral language in relationships. I've written about the intimacy of teen romance and sex in YA literature and curated a "Digital Detox" series to promote discussion about how technology helps - and hinders - our everyday relationships. 

Journalism isn't just about truth for me anymore. It's about the communication of ideas and viewpoints, even the ones we don't want to acknowledge. I want to be a writer because writing - good writing - sparks a connection between different people and helps create a sense of unity and compassion in a world that sometimes feels too large. 

For some people, the end of college hits them - as Florence Welch would say - "like a train on a track." For others, it comes in waves, alternating between numbness and overwhelming emotion. For me, it just sunk in slowly over time, so subtle that it was barely noticeable until graduation weekend when I sat with the people from my NC Fellows class at commencement, listening to Dr. Atul Gawande give his speech and singing "Hark the Sound." It was like any other weekend, except that it was also our last one together. I miss them.

I'm a big kid now - I mean, adult. 

And so here I am now, living and working in Beijing until the end of July. I'm calmer and more focused on my career than I've been in months. That's not to say I don't have any worries, fears or doubts about the future. Even now, there is still so much uncertainty surrounding my career choice and where I'll end up in the next five years or even next fall. But I know enough about myself now to be able to stand up for my strengths and my values, to embrace the goals I set for myself and to be able to move forward.

I have my alma mater and everyone who spent the last four years there with me to thank for that. So thanks, UNC.

Wendy Lu

A Glimpse of Post-Graduate Life

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The Long Goodbye to 2013

#DailyWings: "It is never too late to be what you might have been." -George Eliot

It's really not going to be that long. Just give me two minutes. That's all I need to virtually hug my readers and say, "You're still here, then, after all this time?" Has it really been more than three months since my last published post? 

If my blog still makes it to your news feed and you're reading this, thank you for sticking with me. My queue has eight partially written drafts rotting away, forgotten and obsolete. Every time I sat down to write for myself (either on this blog or in my journal or as part of an unfinished piece of work) this semester, guilt weighed down in the pit of my stomach as I thought of all the "real writing" that needed to get done - feature stories for the newspaper, online articles and so forth. One of the most crucial lessons I have yet to learn is that writing for myself is just as important as writing for others. 

You'll read more about my new years resolutions (many of them are writing-related) tomorrow - I'm a big fan of themes, and thus 2014 has been dubbed the year of literary frenzy - but before that I need to give a proper recap of 2013. Here's my annual...

Year in Review

(see last year's review and resolutions here)

• Completed my first journalism internship at Chapel Hill's The WEEKLY
• Served as the arts and entertainment editor at Blue & White magazine; will be returning as managing editor in the spring
• Served as fall co-editor of The Durham VOICE
• Started dating Andrew and fell in love
• Learned how to drive at night and on the highway
• Joined DIY MFA, one of my favorite writing blogs, as an online columnist after a fantastic internship experience
• Found my inner poet and wrote several pieces of free verse
• Published travel and food feature articles in Carolina PASSPORT, Wander and Flourish magazines
• Survived the infamous Chapel Hill flood in June and lived for five months in practically a construction site of an apartment with no walls or proper flooring
• Shared my story as an individual living with a tracheostomy tube and spent 1.5 months alone for the first time (without a "parental guardian")

Other highlights: Interned at Personify, served (and still serving) as vice president of UNC CUSA, met Khaled Hosseini, started freelancing and received the Quincy Sharpe Mills Scholarship from the UNC j-school.

Indeed, what a year it has been! More than anything, this year made me realize that I can do anything I want with the right amount of determination, confidence and planning - no matter how many obstacles there are (even if one of them is a flooded home). I learned to believe in myself. Of course, my resolutions and years in review are often focused on my writing career, but there are other aspects of my life that also help me to make priorities. 

The theme for 2013 was "professionalism" because I wanted to gain more work experience - not just to boost my resume with internships, but to learn what it's like to thrive in a work environment with other colleagues. To get a taste for "the real world" before college is over and so that I know what to expect after graduation in May. 

The thing, though, is that 2014 is going to bring about so many changes and surprises that nothing will have prepared me for them. It's a little daunting to think about, but that is why this next year is geared toward writing. I can't help but feel like writing for myself is going to be more important this year than any other so far. I'll be entering the job market as a journalist. I will be leaving UNC-Chapel Hill, a place that is extremely dear to my heart and has helped to shape my identity over the past four years of my life. I will be separated from close friends and people who have stood beside me since the beginning of college and even high school - we'll embark on our own journeys, say farewell. I will need my journal close by to remind myself who I am without UNC and that everything is going to be okay. 

My new years resolutions for 2014 are coming up soon - and you can bet that blogging regularly is one of them. Check back tomorrow for my annual resolutions post and an extra surprise...something I've been working on for the past couple of weeks and cannot wait to share with you! Happy New Year!

Wendy Lu

The Long Goodbye to 2013

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The Noise In Your Head: A Different Kind of Writer's Block

#DailyWings: "It's all right to do things the way you want. There is no map to life, no blueprints to survival, you can create your world day by day if you have a clear vision and an unwillingness to give up." -John O'Callaghan

The first time I drove a car, I was seven years old. My back was propped up against the seat of an arcade racing game at one of the pizza joints in Boston. My two best friends at the time, twin sisters wearing ponytails and matching choker necklaces, watched and waited eagerly for their turns to play. I clutched the plastic wheel in front of me, eyes fixed on the screen. But the whole time, all I could focus on were my friends' cheers in the background and the shadow of our mothers hovering above my head. 

I ended up maneuvering around like an old grandma – I was either too fast or too slow, and kept bumping into trees and the vehicles in front of me. After a few moments, my friends looked away, bored with my game. The race ended as all the cars braked to a screeching halt, and two pixelated words showed up on the screen: Game over!

It took a few tosses for me to realize no matter how many silver coins I slipped into the slot, I wasn't going to get any better at the game so long as I kept getting distracted. I couldn't help it, though. Embarrassed, I hopped off the seat to let one of the twins try next. My seven-year-old pride dug in: How could something that looked so simple end up in disaster? 

I'd been driving for that checkered flag at the end of the race, but what I had really been going for was that grownup pat on the shoulder, the rumple of my mushroom-cut hair and the half-impressed, half-envious looks on my friends' faces. 

Now, I'm nearly 21 and my driver's license was issued to me just barely a few months ago. Unlike the faded student identification card hiding in the back of my wallet, the newness of my driver's license is evident in the shiny exterior and blue airplane signifying the mark of North Carolina. With this barely-larger-than-my-palm card of plastic, I officially have permission to be on the road – the real one this time. 

This is what I must get through every day on my way to work...

Nowadays, the commute between my apartment and the location of my summer internship lasts about forty-five minutes, so my license comes quite handy these days. Luckily, I don't drive the way I did back when I was seven years old. It was, however, difficult to focus when I first started practicing: I kept getting nervous with my parents sitting in the backseat ("just in case"), and I worried what the other drivers thought about me, this slow beginner. But after a while, I learned to drown out these distracting thoughts and instead pay attention to what was in front of me. I learned how to be a better driver. 

Lately, I've been struggling with my writing for similar reasons. Whenever I try to get the words down, there seems to be so much traffic in my head: I'm not good enough. My writing sucks. This blog post is going nowhere. I'm nothing but a starving artist. Everyone else writes better than me. Look at these cool indie authors and accomplished people – I'm certainly not one of them! 

Unsurprisingly, this self-deprecation leads to writer's block. Literally, there's a block in my mind. Not because I don't have any good ideas, but because reminding myself of all the things I'm not fills my head so there's no room left for actual creative work. Then, something that's supposed to be fun, something that I supposedly love to do, becomes a source of fear and pressure. 

Similarly, those daydreams we all have from time to time, featuring Bestseller Lists and wide-eyed admirers, also poison my writing so it no longer seems genuine. I end up only writing what I think people want from me. Don't let any sort of glimmering prospect of fame and glory keep you from writing quality work – quality, meaning it comes from your heart.

About a month ago, my dad told me something that I still think about every day. He said, "Wendy, just ignore all the noise around you. Don't pay attention to what other people are doing or what paths they're taking – everyone's looking for something different. If writing is what you really love to do, then just do it." 

Whenever my mind starts to fill with self-doubt and other mental distractions, rendering myself incapable of writing any further, those are the words I remember. And it's worked (so far, at least; I wrote a blog post, didn't I?). 

That being said, the real world/real life isn't always quite that easy (if ever). There will always be people watching your moves, either waiting for you to make a mistake or building up expectations or comparing themselves to you. Ignore them. 


Wendy Lu

Do you ever get this kind of writer's block, and if so, how do you banish these distracting thoughts? What are some other obstacles or challenges you face while writing? 

The Noise In Your Head: A Different Kind of Writer's Block

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50,000 Is Just a Number: NaNoWriMo Wks 3-4

#DailyWings: "The question should be, is it worth trying to do, not can it be done." -Allard Lowenstein

Whew! National Novel Writing Month is finally over, my fingers are about to fall off and I can go back to having a real life again. Wonderful. 

The last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions and dragging plotlines and flying  candy bars. First and foremost, I want to give a very big congratulations to all the NaNoers in Chapel Hill, N.C., and around the country who met their personal goals, whether they were to 5k or 50k or simply write every day. We did it.

For those of you who are curious, I made it to 43,705 words by the stroke of midnight. Unfortunately, I did not reach my goal of 50,000 words, but I was so close! On Nov. 30, the very last day, I wrote more than I ever have before -- about 10k in one day.That is crazy.  (The words weren't exactly fine contributions to the novel, but quantity > quality is the essence of NaNo.) This year's writing challenge taught me so much about myself and my writing. For one whole month, I showed that I love writing enough to put it above all else, even school work and health -- this is no exaggeration, as I was sick during the last week. Still, it was worth every hour spent groveling over word vomit. 

Even though I didn't "officially" win, I still felt like a winner when it was all over because of so many new developments that would've otherwise not been created. If I hadn't decided to partake in the writing challenge this year, my book would still be less than halfway done. The thing is, 50,000 is just some lame number. It's really no different from 49,999. Technically, you could just type "the" 50,000 times and enter "50,000" into the word count validator and say you "won." But that wouldn't feel very fulfilling, would it? Even though NaNoWriMo is all about how many words you write and not how meaningful each word is, it's also about how far you can take your characters. Where the story takes you and get you to where you want to be. I've learned that it's never, never too late to finish what you started.  Just because November is over doesn't mean I'll stop writing my novel. The best thing NaNoWriMo has trained me to do is write on a daily basis. It's more than just a habit, it's a lifestyle. 

One last note: This was the first year I publicized my NaNoWriMo endeavors so extensively on Facebook and Twitter. My goal for doing so was to hold myself accountable, but I discovered something else as well. What kept me going every day wasn't the fear of feeling guilt for not writing, but the desire to strive for what everyone -- my family, my friends and all the people who believe in me -- sees me as: a passionate writer who doesn't give up. Throughout the month, I received so many personal messages from different people who knew I was participating in the challenge. And when I ran into friends on the quad or in the dining hall, they would ask me how NaNoWriMo was going. This meant so much to me. 

Thanks to everyone for all the support and encouragement over the past month. Proud to be a writer. 

NaNoWriMo Word Count 2012: 43,705
Overall Novel Word Count: 101,486 (and still counting...)


Now that NaNoWriMo is over, it's time for finals.

Wendy Lu

P.S. Like reading The Red Angel? "Like" my blog on Facebook to receive updates and more #DailyWings! Hoping to reach 100 fans by Christmas. Help me reach my goal, please?

Once you "Like" the page, please click the 'Liked' button underneath the cover photo and make sure the 'show in news feed' option is checked. That way, you'll be able to see the updates!

50,000 Is Just a Number: NaNoWriMo Wks 3-4

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Junior Year Jitters

#DailyWings: "Live the full life of the mind, exhilarated by new ideas, intoxicated by the romance of the unusual." -Ernet Hemingway

 Better late than never. That's what I have been telling myself lately with everything that I do. Apparently, I just finished my third week of junior year without really knowing it. It feels like a 5k race just started without me or something. But even though junior year has already kicked off and I am officially over halfway through college, I thought I'd take some time today to pat myself on the back for completing sophomore year. For maintaining a solid GPA, making some incredible new friends and building a stronger heart. I realize I am much stronger than I was a year ago. 

At the end of every year since the beginning of college, I have written a letter to my older self. After freshman year was over, I wrote a note to my sophomore self highlighting some guidelines for having a successful semester. Here are a just a few lines I scribbled down as reminders to myself: 

Know your priorities. You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. 

Don't be afraid to speak up. Raise your hand. Just do it. There's no better time than now. 

Say hello. The worst thing that could happen is you would have the exact same number of friends before you said hello. The best thing that could happen? You end up with one more friend than you did before.
 

Smile. No matter what’s going on, there is always a reason to smile. Find it, mull over it, smile about it. If anything—be grateful for what you have. 

Today, I wrote yet another letter to my junior graduate self. Yes, technically I am three weeks late but hey - better late than never, right? In truth, I've procrastinated writing the letter until now because I didn't want to confront all the things that were bugging me about myself. I've been needing a self-confidence booster because, honestly, I still don't know what the heck I want to do with my life. 

Going to one of the best universities in the country can be intimidating. There is so much passion and fervor. Incredible students creating, changing, organizing all the time. It's inspiring. But every once in a while, you can't help but wondering--what am I doing here? 

So the letter I wrote to my junior graduate self said: push yourself. It's never too late to change for the better. Past failures and mistakes don't matter; what counts is what you can do right now at this very moment. I told myself this: 

I can do great things, if only I let myself. I don't need anyone else's approval to do the things that make me happy. 

Maybe not knowing what I want to do after college is okay. Maybe it's better this way. It's certainly better than having my entire life mapped out in front of me, with no surprises or spontaneity. One thing I'm sure of is that the best parts about life usually come in packages that fall at our doorstep when we least expect them. Even though I don't know what I want to do with my life, that means the future is up in the air. Anything can happen. It's scary, but at the same time, there's something exciting about the unknown. I direct myself in the pathway I choose, never knowing what's around the corner. 

What mantras do you have to keep you motivated and focused on your goals? Do you like knowing what's ahead, or do you prefer taking chances as they come your way?

Wendy Lu

Junior Year Jitters

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Author Interview: Getting to Know Maureen Wartski

Hooray, it's May! At long last, I am finished with final exams and have now returned home to relax for two weeks before summer school starts. To give you an idea of what I am up to for the next three months, here's my agenda: 

May 8 - May 14: Relax, blog, read The Hunger Games, go to the dentist, rejuvenate

May 15 - June 19: Summer classes

Mid-June - Beginning of August: Travel abroad, independent research

August: Volunteer at local hospital with psychology mentor

Folks, this may be my busiest summer yet! Share with us - what summer plans do you have? 

~~~

In other exciting news, we have author Maureen Wartski here with us today. Maureen was born in Japan and is a lover of art, writing and nature. Her novel, Yuri's Brush with Magic, is geared toward middle-schoolers and was a 2011 Next Generation Indie Book Awards Finalist. 

The book follows two siblings who find the strength within themselves to deal with challenging circumstances. The book centers around motifs such as folk tales, painting, sea turtles and the importance of family relationships - just to name a few. 

Yuri's Brush with Magic is published by Sleepy Hollow Books, a children's independent publishing company based in Durham, NC, where I was an editorial intern for the past year.

TRA: What is your inspiration? What motivates/drives you to write and create art?

MW: Since I was very small, I wrote stories and played with colors. My dad, who was a self-taught artist, encouraged the ‘artwork’ and my whole extended family believed in the writing. To have someone believe in you is an inspiration in itself! Further, my Uncle Harry encouraged me to read, read more, and to try my literary wings at every opportunity. The real inspiration here was his advice: to try—and never to worry about failing. 

As for what motivates me to play with art and with words, I believe it is curiosity. If I put these colors together, what then…? If I follow this plot line, what will happen? That and a love of words and colors rules the day.

TRA: Every writer goes about the writing process in different ways; it's a unique experience for everyone. Tell us, what is the writing process like for you?

MW: I get an idea and file it away somewhere in my mind. Another idea floats by, and perhaps I snag it, too. Then the third, the catalyst arrives, and… there is the story. Sometimes this process takes a very long time. Sometimes it happens in a flash. The entire plot of The Promise (Summit Books), complete with fully formed characters, came to me while I was taking a tour of an abandoned gold mine in Mecklenburg County.

When I was younger and was writing three books a year on contract, I used to start writing at eight, wrote nonstop 'til two and then researched for an hour. Nowadays, I can’t keep—and don’t want to keep—this grueling pace.

TRA: What did you love most about writing Yuri's Brush with Magic? Was there a certain character you felt like you identified with really well?

MW: I love the ocean. Nothing is more inspiring than to walk along the beach and watch the waves roll in. I love the change of seasons, the turn of weather, the ebb and floe of the tide. So—Emerald Isle being the backdrop of this book was special. I could feel the nuances of the ocean and knew how it would affect Tammy. I didn’t identify with any of the characters per se, but each one was personal. Tammy, because she was Eurasian like myself and because she was a writer. Ken because he was a rebel. Aunt Yuri—I loved Aunt Yuri because she did remind me of my aunt and the other strong women in my family!

TRA: Which book or author has influenced you the most in your life?

MW: Don’t laugh—I think William Shakespeare had a lot of influence in my writing life. Early on, I learned to read his plays, particularly Julius Caesar. I learned to love his words and language, the twists of metaphor, the manipulation of characters.  Back in the day when I taught high school English, I taught my freshmen Julius Caesar . We brought in contemporary politics, ‘filmed’ the assassination and had a grand time. Later, my colleagues couldn’t believe that the class WANTED to study Antony and Cleopatra.

TRA: Shakespeare is awesome. I remember having to read Romeo & Juliet in my freshman English class, and we would read the play aloud with different classmates 'playing' different roles. Maureen, I have one last question - what advice would you give to aspiring writers?

MW: The only advice worth giving: Keep writing and never fear failure. Sometimes the only way to learn IS to fail. 

~~~

Thank you to Maureen for taking the time to do an interview with me! To read more about Maureen Wartski and follow her adventures, check out her blog. 

Author Interview: Getting to Know Maureen Wartski

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The F-Word We All Love and Hate

QOTD: What are your long-term goals, and how do you stay focused on them?

No, I'm not talking about that f-word. There's another one I'm talking about, and lately this little f-word has gotten my heart pumping, the thoughts in my mind racing and my palms sweating. (It's still not that one, you guys.)

The f-word I'm talking about is future. 

As we think about the future, it's easy to love when we know what it entails. We may not know where we will be in 10 years (alert: hallmark interview question), but if we're on what  seems to be the right pathway and love what we're doing, then the future seems a bit more promising. But when we have absolutely no idea what our future holds, a fear develops inside of us. It's frightening, not knowing what's going to happen or if things will be okay. And what's scariest of all is thinking that the things you are doing now are a waste of time and won't help you get to the next step toward your goals. 

David Sipress

There is a myth that you get used to college after the first few months... and, surely, by the middle of your sophomore year you're a pro at this whole college scene. You know the sneakiest shortcuts for getting to class quickly, which days of the week Sitar is open at the dining hall and which bathroom stalls to avoid (i.e. bottom of Lenoir...you Tar Heels know what I'm talking about). You know what the dealio is. You get used to the independence, the resources, the expectations. 

But the truth is, you never do. Maybe it's just me, but college life is constantly unpredictable. You never know what's thrown at you, no matter what year you are. I'm a sophomore, but sometimes I still feel like a freshman and don't have any idea what's going on in class, in Congress, in life. Only sometimes, though. 

I was making small talk with one of the girls in my psychology class today, and we both agreed: We all have our freshman days. And that's okay, because the best part about being a freshman is that you get to learn things you never knew, and you grow. 

College isn't like high school. During the first 18 years of most of our lives, the plan was laid out for us. Learn the ABC's. Attend grade school and then get through those crazy middle school years. Live through childhood and stumble into adolescence. Experience high school. Sign up for AP classes because your mom told you to, go to prom, take the SAT and apply for college. Get into college. Graduate. 

And then...and then what? Once you get into college, there's not really a plan you follow along with everyone else. Sure, you've got your advisers and your parents and your friends to refer to for guidance, but essentially you are on your own. What you make of yourself is up to you, and that responsibility is terrifying. There are hundreds of majors, minors and classes--the possibilities are endless. The number of research opportunities and extracurricular activities available is mind-blowing, so much that sometimes we lose sight of our interests and our goals that we just 'grab and take.' In that way, it's easy to lose focus about what really matters to us. 

There's pressure to be well-rounded and unique at the same time. There's the need to find something you personally love to do, but will also fulfill society's definition of 'successful.' Then comes the other f-word that we hate (we don't love it, you know), which is failure. And I'm not going to even talk about this one because it tends to send shivers down one's spine. And causes breakdowns. 

The truth is, this whole week I have felt a little lost. I prioritized which extracurricular activities are most important to me, and figured out what internships I want to focus on for the summer. I discovered that I actually like statistics and research, and I have no freaking clue what to do with this information. Ultimately, I am deciding what I want to do with the rest of my college career and how my decisions will be time-efficient and beneficial for my future. 

Basically, I'm striving for perfection - and I am failing. Since the beginning of August 2010, I have flirted with pre-medical studies, pharmacy school, biology, psychology, journalism, creative writing, journalism and finally both journalism and psychology. (I know, I'm such a player.) But now, the question is: What do I want to do with those majors? What fields do I want to concentrate within the area of journalism (Electronic media or Reporting? Design?), and what will my focus be in psychology (Child Development or Abnormal Psychology? Clinical therapy or research?). I don't even want to start thinking about graduate school (or if I will be going at all). 

I know I will make a lot of mistakes between now and the end of senior year. There will be peer pressure and other students in my fields of study who look like they know exactly what they're doing. But I am beginning to realize that the key to success does not depend on comparison, but personal efficacy. If I believe in my passions and my ability to pursue them, whatever they may be, then I am already halfway there. 

College is a once-in-a-lifetime experience, much like your first love or the publication of your first book. You never really get to experience that mixed rush of euphoria and confusion and excitement and fear all at once after it's over. Whether you're a freshman in college or smack in the middle of law school or a newbie in the corporate world, embrace the line of possibilities...all the better if you can't see the end of that line.

The F-Word We All Love and Hate

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My Experience as a Critique Partner

QOTD: For the first person to come to mind, think about why you appreciate and are grateful for that person. Feel free to share! 

Quick Announcement: I will be starting my own editing service (completely voluntary on my part, so don't worry it's free) post-Christmas. Come back soon for more updates! 

I used to think that I didn't need anybody. At least when it came to writing. I have always been either too insecure, too stubborn or too fearful to let others critique or even look at my work. I just wanted to do my own thing. I think all of us as writers tend to have this mindset in some way...writing is, after all, as much of a service to ourselves as it is to our readers. But lately I've come to realize that when we decide to put our fears aside and allow yourself to be exposed to feedback, we can learn so much from others and improve ourselves as writers and as people. And when it comes down to it, nobody should have to go through the writing process (specifically revision) alone. 

In one of my earlier articles, What's Your Take on Creative Writing Classes?, I stated that a writer does not need to take classes or a teacher's approval to write well. I still believe this. But...I have a confession to make. I enrolled in ENGL 130, our "Intro to Fiction" class at school, for next semester. I know, I am such a hypocrite. But at least I can admit to changing my perspective a little and stay flexible, right? I think I'm a little too proud for my own good, and getting my writing critiqued by a bunch of stranger-acquaintances will definitely tear those sturdy walls down. I guess the Biebs had it right. Never say never. 

You must be wondering why I have changed my mind so quickly. Not too long ago, I decided to share my writing for the first time with a group of close friends. We'd all agreed to "show and tell" something important to us, and one of my favorite pieces of work was what I'd chosen. I did not know what their reactions would be, but I tried not to wonder to much. 

On the day it was my turn to share, I read my piece out loud. To my surprise, my oratory was met with tears, astonishment and praise. I thought, is this really happening to me? I sighed with relief, and realized that, more than anything else, my fear of rejection and failure was what had kept me from keeping much of my writing hidden. 

Soon after, one of those close friends (let's call him "Frank") approached me, saying he'd love to see more of my work. Turns out, he writes too. We met up on the quad the next day and swapped poetry and stories. Ever since then, we've been meeting together once a week to share our writing and our opinions. Without even realizing it, Frank and I became critique partners. 

This is the quad! It's so peaceful and comfortable, but there are always people around and there is inspiration everywhere. Perfect place to write, don't you think?

And Frank is a fantastic writer. Fantastic Frank (has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?) inspires me every day to be a better writer with his honesty, unique writing style and ability to get an overall feel of a piece of work. I can also safely say that our friendship has become a lot deeper, more interesting and complex since we developed a relationship as critique partners. 

Deciding to share my writing with one of my dear friends has been one of the best choices I've made as a writer so far. My relationship with the students in my future creative writing class may not be as successful or enjoyable, but I understand how important it is to at least get a second opinion and make sure I am on the right track. You don't always have to go with any changes they suggest, but you can consider them and see if they make sense or not. 

I made a short list of tips on being a critique partner, AKA "Fantastic Frank." Hmm, I think this term is growing on me.

How To Be A "Fantastic Frank"

1) Choosing a critique partner can be difficult, as writers have different preferences. I love that my critique partner also happens to be one of my awesome friends whom I know well and can trust. Others may prefer a classmate or acquaintance with a formal/professional relationship; that way, conflict of interest doesn't get in the way of feedback honesty. Keep this in mind as you think about what kind of relationship you want to have with your critique partner.

2) No matter who your critique partner is, there must be a balancing dynamic between you two. Feedback must be given both ways, and there needs to be mutual respect, honesty and support. Feelings of competition should be kept at a minimum. 

3) Be open-minded, be curious, be understanding of criticism. Don't be afraid to ask your partner questions about their work and/or their comments on yours to see what angle your partner is coming from. That's what your partner is there for. No matter what, though, don't let your writing style or your personality as a writer be affected. Don't change anything that you don't think will benefit your work or isn't 100% what you want.

4) For me, one of the hardest things at least for me as a writer is to write in a way that initiates the right reaction or gets a point across; and I never know if it does or if my reader feels something totally different than what I had intended. My favorite part of having a critique partner is seeing his perspective and reaction as a reader of my writing. 

5) As critique partners, you should be there for each other during much of the writing process - especially during revision and completion! After you've copy-edited, written those second, third and fourth drafts and submitted your work for publishing, celebrate together with a drink. There's nobody else who understands what that final submission means to you than your critique partner. 

6) What have you learned from participating in critique groups and critique partnerships? Share in comments below! 

There are only 5 days left until Christmas! What are your plans for the holidays? I will be in Florida for 10 days starting on Thursday, but I plan to update TRA as often as I can with photos of my adventures at Disney World! 

My Experience as a Critique Partner

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Love yourself. Be beautiful the way only you know how.

I’m glad I’m not blonde, tan, stick-skinny, brunette, caked with makeup, freckled, or Barbie. I don’t understand why so many girls obsess over appearance and wish to look like those plastic-looking models on Project Runway. 

Truth is, confident girls get the best guys. Real girls get the best guys. I’d rather look natural and wait for the right boy to love me for everything that I am than look like a model and have men falling for my body and not for me. 

You were born with your own looks - why make life miserable by trying to be something you’re not? I’m short, Asian and skinny. I never wear makeup. Flat nose and one small freckle under one eye. Dimples. That’s the kind of beautiful that I am. 

What’s your kind of beautiful? What do you love about yourself?

Finishing up finals tomorrow! Will return to my regular blogging schedule this weekend.

Love yourself. Be beautiful the way only you know how.

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