"My Able Life," inspired by Advocates for Carolina, and Laura Rozo Benefit Night

#DailyWings: "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt

A few weeks ago, my ethics professor forwarded to our class an article from The Daily Tar Heel about a new student organization that promotes disabilities awareness, Advocates for Carolina. I was so incredibly happy to hear that a group had been created for students who must find alternative ways to live, and joined without hesitation. 

What I love most about UNC-Chapel Hill is that there's something for everyone -- a major, an organization, an outlet for self-expression. I felt welcome since the first day I arrived at Carolina; never before had I been a part of such an accepting community. In particular, North Carolina Fellows has taught me how to be comfortable with myself. I've learned that sharing my story doesn't push people away; often, doing so brings me closer to them. 

But as one of those students who has lived with the "disability" label for years, I'd always felt there was one other thing missing from my college experience: a space in which to share my story and learn from others in similar situations. Advocates for Carolina has filled this void. We emphasize on accessibility, advocacy and awareness. We seek to remove stigma, educate others about disabilities and provide each other with validation. Although we may live with different circumstances, this community reminds each of us that we aren't alone.  

Throughout March, Advocates for Carolina hosted "This Able Life" photo and narrative exhibit. Fellow Tar Heels shared their personal stories about what 'disability' means to them. At the gallery reception, we had an amazing turnout: students, professors and Chapel Hill locals all came to view our exhibit. 

"This Able Life" photo and narrative exhibit, hosted by Advocates for Carolina, was featured in March at the art gallery within the UNC-CH student union. 

I was lucky enough to have my narrative, along with a photo, accepted for the exhibit and to give the opening speech with Advocates founder Katie Savage at the reception. Although I am more than happy to share my story with others, this was the first time I chose to do so in public. For three whole minutes, everyone's eyes were on me as I talked about the mission of Advocates for Carolina: giving a voice to students with disabilities. 

Below, you'll find the narrative I wrote for the exhibit: 

“'Don't you want to be normal?' Doctors, friends and strangers ask me this casually all the time when they see me, not knowing that this question has puzzled me for years. 

Since birth, I’ve worn a tracheostomy tube – or trach tube – that allows me to breathe properly. Because of vocal cord paralysis, my nose and mouth have never served as proper airways. As lucky as I am to have grown up with a loving family, my childhood was filled with homecare nurses, procedures and muffled murmurs from people who didn’t understand or chose to judge first. 

It’s never easy to endure blunt questions and curious stares, but despite the challenges, I’ve realized that without these experiences I may not have learned how to appreciate all the good things in my life. Going through these experiences, I feel particularly passionate about helping others who must also find alternative ways to live. And, slowly, I began to realize how much it means to me when people show interest in learning about my lifestyle, and ask how I’m different as a result of my “disability.” 

Terms like “disability” and “medical condition” never resonated with me, and why should they? Because I have had to wear a trachoestomy tube for all 20 years of my life, I’ve never known anything different. It’s a part of who I am, but it doesn’t define me. 

Disabilities awareness isn’t about celebrating disabilities, but our differences and individual experiences. It’s about educating each other and realizing what makes each person unique. It’s not the disability – or condition or whatever you call it – that makes us who we are, but how we adapt to any limitations and make the most of life in a way that’s most fulfilling for us.”

Wendy Lu

UNC 2014

If you would like to read more about the exhibit and view other student entries, check out our recent feature on WUNC 91.5 on NPR. While the exhibit is now over, Advocates continues to spread its name and mission; on Wednesday, our organization was selected to be an official UNC Campus Y committee (huzzah!). We can't wait to partner up with other campus groups and bring many more disabilities awareness events to UNC-CH campus in the future. 

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I also want to take a moment to share with you an opportunity to help a fellow UNC-CH student and dear friend of mine. 

Photo Credit: Chenxi Yu

Laura Rozo is a Carolina student, a Morehead-Cain scholar, a big sister, a friend, a mentor; she also served as the closing speaker at TEDxUNC 2013. In 2011, Laura was diagnosed with stage IV metastatic rhabdomyosarcoma. Unfortunately, the treatment therapies have not stopped the cancer’s progression in Laura's body. Laura’s physician has advised her to share with her family her wishes regarding her end of life care. She continues to receive hospice care at home, but there are financial implications for her family created by the increasing level of medical care she needs. 

Laura and I first met through NC Fellows, but we didn't really get to know each other until last fall. We were both waiting at UNC Hospitals (she had a doctor's appointment, and I had a meeting), and began to chat after we recognized each other from the leadership program. 
We started talking over our respective hospital experiences. After bonding with Laura for a while, I realized that even though our situations were very different, we understood each other and I hadn't felt this connected with another person in a long time. 

Here's someone else who knows what it's like, I thought. 

Hundreds of other people have gotten to know Laura at UNC-Chapel Hill and through TEDxUNC. At Advocates For Carolina's "This Able Life" gallery reception, we raised donations to go toward Laura Rozo's fund and asked visitors to sign a card for her. Many of them had never met Laura before, but left encouraging words about how her story made an impact on them. Over the months, Laura has taught me that no matter how hard things may seem, we're never alone.

Take a few moments to watch Laura's powerful TEDxUNC 2013 speech, "If Not Now, When?" 

If you find Laura's words and strength to be inspiring, please consider joining my dear friend and many others who have been touched by her friendship and love for the Laura Rozo Benefit Night. The event takes place on Tuesday in Morehead Planetarium at UNC-Chapel Hill, from 5:30 to 7:30 p.m. There will be performances, a raffle contest and food served by restaurants from Franklin Street. 

To learn more about Laura's story and the impact she has made on her friends in the Carolina community, check out Everyday Ambassador's feature: Wisdom and Mangoes with Laura Rozo. As people like Laura continue to fight cancer every day, here's hoping one day we can finally beat cancer for good. 

Wendy Lu

"My Able Life," inspired by Advocates for Carolina, and Laura Rozo Benefit Night

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Celebrating My Three-Year Blogaversary, featuring Guest Poster Mia "Awesome" Hayson

#DailyWings: "Whatever you desire is already connected in some way to who you are and what you now have. Find that way, follow the connection." -Ralph Marston

I'm incredibly proud to announce that today is the blog's official Three-Year Blogaversary! *cheer* To those of you who have been with me since the very beginning (yes, I know who you are), THANK YOU. And, of course, thanks to ALL of you for sticking with me, no matter how long! Your comments and encouragement always keep me going. It's wonderful to know that there are people out there who identify with the things I write, that my musings and observations of daily life resonate. Isn't a human connection, after all, one of the many things we constantly strive for? 

As part of the celebration, I have the lovely Mia Hayson from My Literary Jam and Toast as a guest blogger. HOORAY! Mia is an incredible individual and never fails to make me smile/laugh/feel fuzzy. A writer from Scotland, Mia blogs about the art of writing, delicious novels, fun blogfests and the occasional zombie. Today, she will be talking about the fear of writing. 

Let's talk about gut-wrenching fear for a moment. The last time I was really scared out of my wits was when I watched "The Shining" (1980), a psychological horror movie based on the book by Stephen King, in my film analysis class. I hadn't heard about it before, and our professor didn't tell us that it was a scary movie (admittedly, I should have done the research beforehand). 

For those who have yet to see "The Shining," the film is about how the caretaker of a secluded hotel, Jack, becomes possessed by spirits and is driven to kill his wife and son. Conveniently, the wife's name is Wendy. Not to mention Jack Nicholson does an impeccable job of portraying a normal family man who gradually turns into a human monster. At one point, Jack's smiling on one side of the bathroom door and holding an ax aimed at Wendy's head. During that scene, I felt the kind of fear that creeps up on you and has you petrified and holding on for dear life. Yeesh. I'm getting chills just thinking about this movie! 

I was like this the whole time: 

The scariest moment of our lives

But there's another kind of fear that's more latent. You feel it at one point or another -- when you want to pitch a story idea but think it's stupid, when you want to tell someone how we feel but have a fear of rejection, when you want to take a risk but don't want to face failure. This fear simmers underneath at all times, feeding off of your dreams until it takes over your decisions and ultimately your life. 

Here's a secret: being alive in part means facing your fears. In some twisted way, I'd never been more aware of my racing heart and cold fingers than when I was watching "The Shining." Facing your fears doesn't mean ignoring them or pretending they don't exist. It means acknowledging their presence, "tucking them in a jar" and jumping at the chance to pursue what we want anyway. If we always let fear get in the way, we'll always be stuck in the same position -- stagnant. We won't move forward in our lives. We won't learn from our mistakes. 

A few weeks ago, I wrote a poem that illustrates what it's like to face the fear of speaking out -- whether that means sharing your feelings for someone important in your life, standing up for what you believe in or writing down the words you've been itching to get on paper. At some point, we all need to take that chance. 

On to the fear of writing! Time to let Mia take the reins on this one!

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I'm so flattered and honoured to be able to celebrate Wendy's blogaversary here with you guys! OMG! Wendy is one of the most articulate, eloquent, and just super lovely bloggers I have ever had the good fortune to meet. This blog has kind of been a haven for Miss Lurker over here so I'm just going to try and step up with a post about fear and writing and things and then we can all wish Wendy many happy returns etc. So! A lesson in fear:

Fear manifests itself in many different ways for writers. If you can think it, somebody somewhere is losing sleep over it. Some writers wake with a start in the depths of the still night, only to start frantically checking our last email/blog/tweet/manuscript/text for typos (actually, I think maybe most of us do that one? I do anyway hehe) while others don't ever make it to bed because they're trying to establish just how edgy is too edgy in a children's book. 

The point is we all have fear. 

Just as some people are afraid of stuffed giraffes  and others afraid of toast in the shower, you get some real wackadoodle fears out there in the barren-lands of the unfinished WIP. None more so than the fear of failure. It grabs you as you pass the singing bush of querying, avoiding the hissing lake of broken words. And, if you let it, it takes hold. Recently I realised that I had been pricked with its thorns.

You see the thing about this fear is that it preys on our uncertainties. It latches onto us while we slumber, and only really begins to hurt when it's burrowed in too deep. And the thing about this fear is I let it prey on my need to please people. I don't think it makes you weak to want to please people. In fact, I think it makes me decidedly human. I want you guys to be happy and smile and for us to all enjoy things! 

Having said all that this year I decided to change something, and so far it's going just fantabulously! Having realised my apparent vice, I'm now making an effort to write what I want to and not what I think other people will love. I'm writing the stuff I want to pen. And maybe, just probably, I think there's a reasonable possibility what I'm writing is good. It's interesting. It's different. And it's absolutely me.

So! This week I put it to you, guys. Overcome those literary fears! Write something and enjoy the writing! Realise that a little fear can be productive, but a lot of fear can be creatively crippling. Remember that fear when we all started blogging/dancing/writing/ reading/walking/insert favourite activity here? Well that seems so tiny now, doesn't it? And people like Wendy make blogging so fun.

Lesson: There will always be unknowns but writing comes first.

Difficulty: Pretty to very hard, yo.

Remember: Write for yourself, you are your own reader, and things aren't so scary with friends.

What is your biggest literary fear? Congrats to Wendy and her awesomeness! Three cheers for this blog! I think having a blogaversary is a wonderful thing because it shows the world how long you've been conquering fears and writing for you.

~ ~ ~ ~ 

Wendy Lu

Thanks so much to Mia for taking the time to write this guest post for us today! Everybody should go visit My Literary Jam & Toast to give her thousands of virtual hugs and love comments. And thanks again, everyone, for coming to celebrate my third blogaversary with me! Here's to many more! Woohoo -- strawberry shortcake for everyone!

Celebrating My Three-Year Blogaversary, featuring Guest Poster Mia "Awesome" Hayson

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The F-Word We All Love and Hate

QOTD: What are your long-term goals, and how do you stay focused on them?

No, I'm not talking about that f-word. There's another one I'm talking about, and lately this little f-word has gotten my heart pumping, the thoughts in my mind racing and my palms sweating. (It's still not that one, you guys.)

The f-word I'm talking about is future. 

As we think about the future, it's easy to love when we know what it entails. We may not know where we will be in 10 years (alert: hallmark interview question), but if we're on what  seems to be the right pathway and love what we're doing, then the future seems a bit more promising. But when we have absolutely no idea what our future holds, a fear develops inside of us. It's frightening, not knowing what's going to happen or if things will be okay. And what's scariest of all is thinking that the things you are doing now are a waste of time and won't help you get to the next step toward your goals. 

David Sipress

There is a myth that you get used to college after the first few months... and, surely, by the middle of your sophomore year you're a pro at this whole college scene. You know the sneakiest shortcuts for getting to class quickly, which days of the week Sitar is open at the dining hall and which bathroom stalls to avoid (i.e. bottom of Lenoir...you Tar Heels know what I'm talking about). You know what the dealio is. You get used to the independence, the resources, the expectations. 

But the truth is, you never do. Maybe it's just me, but college life is constantly unpredictable. You never know what's thrown at you, no matter what year you are. I'm a sophomore, but sometimes I still feel like a freshman and don't have any idea what's going on in class, in Congress, in life. Only sometimes, though. 

I was making small talk with one of the girls in my psychology class today, and we both agreed: We all have our freshman days. And that's okay, because the best part about being a freshman is that you get to learn things you never knew, and you grow. 

College isn't like high school. During the first 18 years of most of our lives, the plan was laid out for us. Learn the ABC's. Attend grade school and then get through those crazy middle school years. Live through childhood and stumble into adolescence. Experience high school. Sign up for AP classes because your mom told you to, go to prom, take the SAT and apply for college. Get into college. Graduate. 

And then...and then what? Once you get into college, there's not really a plan you follow along with everyone else. Sure, you've got your advisers and your parents and your friends to refer to for guidance, but essentially you are on your own. What you make of yourself is up to you, and that responsibility is terrifying. There are hundreds of majors, minors and classes--the possibilities are endless. The number of research opportunities and extracurricular activities available is mind-blowing, so much that sometimes we lose sight of our interests and our goals that we just 'grab and take.' In that way, it's easy to lose focus about what really matters to us. 

There's pressure to be well-rounded and unique at the same time. There's the need to find something you personally love to do, but will also fulfill society's definition of 'successful.' Then comes the other f-word that we hate (we don't love it, you know), which is failure. And I'm not going to even talk about this one because it tends to send shivers down one's spine. And causes breakdowns. 

The truth is, this whole week I have felt a little lost. I prioritized which extracurricular activities are most important to me, and figured out what internships I want to focus on for the summer. I discovered that I actually like statistics and research, and I have no freaking clue what to do with this information. Ultimately, I am deciding what I want to do with the rest of my college career and how my decisions will be time-efficient and beneficial for my future. 

Basically, I'm striving for perfection - and I am failing. Since the beginning of August 2010, I have flirted with pre-medical studies, pharmacy school, biology, psychology, journalism, creative writing, journalism and finally both journalism and psychology. (I know, I'm such a player.) But now, the question is: What do I want to do with those majors? What fields do I want to concentrate within the area of journalism (Electronic media or Reporting? Design?), and what will my focus be in psychology (Child Development or Abnormal Psychology? Clinical therapy or research?). I don't even want to start thinking about graduate school (or if I will be going at all). 

I know I will make a lot of mistakes between now and the end of senior year. There will be peer pressure and other students in my fields of study who look like they know exactly what they're doing. But I am beginning to realize that the key to success does not depend on comparison, but personal efficacy. If I believe in my passions and my ability to pursue them, whatever they may be, then I am already halfway there. 

College is a once-in-a-lifetime experience, much like your first love or the publication of your first book. You never really get to experience that mixed rush of euphoria and confusion and excitement and fear all at once after it's over. Whether you're a freshman in college or smack in the middle of law school or a newbie in the corporate world, embrace the line of possibilities...all the better if you can't see the end of that line.

The F-Word We All Love and Hate

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Happy Veterans 2011: "It's the Little Things That Really Mean Big"

QOTD: It's November 11, 2011! Did you wish for anything at 11:11?

Before anything else, I just want to congratulate the UNC Tar Heels for their AWESOME win against MSU (67-55). I'm usually not a Sports fan but when it comes to UNC (and especially when it comes to UNC basketball) I get kind of excited :) Even better, we won on an aircraft carrier! Woohoo! #heelsonaboat

Speaking of aircraft carriers, Happy Veterans Day! Thank you so much to all of those who have died, fought and risked everything to protect the lives of American people. We appreciate everything you do for our country, and I can't imagine the amount of courage it takes to do what you do. Thank you. 

~~~

Today, the Red Cross sponsored an event at my school that involved having students create greeting cards for our troops overseas. I stopped by the Pit (the heart of our school--both geographically and symbolically!) earlier this afternoon and, after noticing the group's booth, wrote a greeting card. Something about this particular event really warmed something inside of me. I don’t know if that's what compelled me — but I asked if I could help, and ended up spending an hour in the Pit and various school centers nearby asking fellow students if they’d like to write greeting cards as well. 

I was so surprised and taken aback by how many students actually said “Sorry, I don’t have time…I, uh, have class soon” or just simply said “No thanks.” 

Sometimes, I wish people would just stop what they are doing and think about what they could do to make others happy—not to make themselves feel good or to put that act of service on their resume, but for the sake of genuinely wanting to make someone else smile. 

I mean, I didn’t even tell the other “official volunteers” my name in the end—but I didn’t care. “Getting credit” wasn’t my mission at all. The only thing on my mind was the fact that people like these men here are fighting every day for us and may not even be at home for Christmas to be with their families. It takes three minutes to write a greeting card of warm wishes and thank-yous. It’s the least we can do. And in my opinion, it's a collection of little things like this that can really make a difference. (Agh...sorry for being a huge cheese ball tonight!)

I mean, I'm not saying that I don't get hurried some days and forget to slow life down for a few moments and think about what I should be thankful for, because I do. I guess I just feel very strongly about this because I associate serving in the military with making sacrifices for others. What greater sacrifice is there to give than risking your time, energy and life to help protect another?

I do have wonderful news, though. At the end of my "shift", we'd collected 50 greeting cards written by students from all over campus. YAY! Thanks you guys. <3 Whoever picks up your card somewhere in the world, I know he/she is going to love it. Once again, Happy Veterans Day! 

Oh, and one more thing: 

NaNoWriMo Word Count: 9,152 (still behind, but hey I'm making progress...sorta...)

Happy Veterans 2011: "It's the Little Things That Really Mean Big"

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